| june 2010 |
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| rush | 12:49am wednesday, 30th june |
an onrush of light
like being born twice
startling the words i write
dreaming of wind
and all falling into place
a myriad of pattern
mirroring all simplicity
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| More Notes | 3:03am saturday, 26th june |
Once more I contended with the demon. Here are the notes I took.
contending [6/22/10]
You wanted me to believe that I was the Antichrist so that I wouldn’t be the Antichrist. For the Antichrist thinks he is Heaven sent.
For the purpose God gave you is to be against God.
But a house divided against itself cannot stand. How can God’s purpose be against His own purpose?
Why would God create creatures that are against Him, then torture them when they do so?
Because we actually like pain?
Then why did the demons say to the Lord if He were going to cast them into the abyss before their time, and they’d rather be sent into pigs?
Because we’re confused about God’s purpose?
But then why should I believe you about God’s purpose if you’re confused about it?
Partially?
Why didn’t they ask to be cast into the abyss? Wouldn’t that be against God’s will, like the first statement?
No, that would be fulfilling God’s purpose?
Isn’t that supposed to be at the end of time?
You had no problem in telling me that I was the Antichrist.
You were doing that to test me, knowing I wouldn’t believe it.
You can be safe to say anything to me and I won’t believe you.
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| always | 1:02am tuesday, 22nd june |
fleeting
the words tremble
cannot say
what they mean to
what is it
that claims to exist?
what thoughts
seem to live outside us?
to believe
we’ve been poisoned
it is not so
that it could be us
except that
it always, always is
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| kingdom | 2:43am friday, 18th june |
it ends as it began, to find an answer not looked for
for it is a pathless path that we seek to follow, a narrow way
a journey one takes within himself, wherein the kingdom is
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| Atmospheres | 3:29am monday, 14th june |
I am rain that falls through atmospheres and returns as flowers. I am skies that never knew night. I am dream that flew through the infinite reaches and never left home. I am stories that coursed through the third heaven and returned to the rivers from where existence flows. I am night that wrapped around the idea of death, shining by a single candle against the winds of the world. I am streams that time is measured by. I am faith that has survived the meltdown of universes, and shattered daybreak. I am light from the beginning of the universe to end its travel in the twinkling of your eye. I am not you. I am me, and that is all I need in this life, or any other.
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| fool | 12:57am thursday, 10th june |
let me be a fool as a saint is a fool
led to the slaughter forgiving my executioner
for this way comes round but once
and if there truly is no purpose to all of it
let me give my life to making one
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| God | 1:40am sunday, 6th june |
My madness may have been telling me that if there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent one. That being me, of course, as the delusions went. It has been said that some madmen, once cured of their madness, find ordinary life quite boring. I understand the sentiment, having thought that I played with the underlying guide-pins of existence itself, but I remember once when one of the cartoons asked me what I wanted most, if I could have anything; the answer was to have an ordinary life again. And a big step was finding God outside myself. Some mysticisms of course try and do the opposite, in finding the divine inside you, but it was only when I found myself in relation to a greater thing than I could comprehend that the world started making sense to me. I don’t know what the theology of this is, just that I did have a God-shaped hole in my heart, and thought I could fill it with myself. I had nowhere near enough love for that to work, I found out.
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| nobility | 2:25am wednesday, 2nd june |
with an animal nobility
to struggle beyond the odds
dreaming the whole way
where we end up, if it be so,
matters less than this is:
that we have given everything
for lo, the destiny of love
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