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| october 2009 |
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| you | 12:34am wednesday, 28th october |
you are a moonlit pearl and alone, a treasure i dreamed
you are alone and a brave idea that love once imagined
you are brave and worthy of the eyes that capture you
you are a worthy wine that sparkles from a light within
you are a sparkle and a wink of the star that watches us
you are a wink and kiss in a memory that flirts with me
you are the kiss of a moonlit pearl, then night vanishes
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| The Cloud | 12:47am saturday, 24th october |
My head swims in the cloud of all the news that exists from one end of the earth to the other. I imagine it was always like this, through the millions of lives in history, but now it seems as if it is all in one place, at the same time. How am I supposed to care about everything I hear about, read about, watch? Even limited to this city’s environs, I cannot keep up: my heart cannot fill with so much emotion. We become detached, if we let ourselves, forget that there are ultimately people who are behind the glass screen, if not just there, with you in the room, somewhere in the wide world. Once the news was filtered by distance, now it is not just incumbent upon the news editors: we must decide when to stop and watch, as if there is nothing in the world more important. To feel as we read about what is real, if only to hear the voice of a child of God.
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| Visions | 4:44am tuesday, 20th october |
I’ve been having some flashes, some fractions of visions. One happened to me while in my fifth reading of the entire Bible, while perusing the Epistle to the Hebrews. It was as if Heaven opened up, just a bit, and I saw something of my place in eternity. It happened through an old route, per se, where I would hear some music or read some text that seemed to tear at the fabric of the maya, the illusion, and the true world would reveal itself. Usually, at least in the past, that involved some sort of terror, when some doom or damnation was revealed at these points. Which made it really interesting that this one, and other briefer flashes of late, have been in the other direction. Maybe I’m doing something right, for a change. Or maybe I shouldn’t take too much stock in these, whether they be for the bad, as in the past, or the good, which are happening now. But at least one thing is true: it’s not boring being me.
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| generation | 1:30am friday, 16th october |
time will make us desire night, given enough of it is evidence
awake as the firelight flickers, like no one exists in the world
as if this civilization passed, and all that were left was its tv
we desire the sleep of the just, no matter what we have done
dreamless, as like we have visited secret, unconscious places
time will make us desire day, given enough of it is disorder
where we go, we imagine our reflections lie: we are innocent
to remember of simplicities, when we felt pain like a person
we grope in broad daylight for the hope of a whole generation
to find that the words for it have forgotten what they meant
time will make us desire to know, even when we already do
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| Clean | 12:32am monday, 12th october |
Woke up at 9am on Saturday morning, after having gone a few weeks on a 48 hour day cycle (32 hours awake, 16 hours asleep — though actually it might have been more like 18 hours asleep). Was feeling down, and I was thinking that it was due to having been somewhat addicted to Advil cold and sinus since about November of last year, and trying to kick that habit. Funny, it was my dad who got me onto it when I was on a trip to Korea that month with the parents and caught a cold. It seemed whenever I got over a cold, 2 weeks later I would catch another one. Maybe though, I was looking for any excuse to get back on those pills, and some of the symptoms, looking back, were definitely suspect. On the plus side, this is as far as any substance addiction of mine goes, having not even smoked any pot since 2001, about the time I started this site. Here’s to be being clean and sober.
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| horizon | 3:08am thursday, 8th october |
the twists and turns of a mind
racing itself blindly to no end at all
the figurines of thought do not surrender
dreams like a river that flow from outside the self
there is no end nor beginning that we will know
everything happens during this only: “today”
the secret is close but as yet untouchable
to know the purpose of these struggles
until visible on the greater horizon
why all things tend to simplicity
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| wonder | 1:08am sunday, 4th october |
the wonder of it all will keep us dreaming for ages
starlight as far as eyes can see, to keep us reaching outward
rivers that cascaded effortless from the summits of time
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