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| october 2010 |
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| Anyone There? | 3:49am saturday, 30th october |
I don’t know if there’s really anyone reading these things anymore. Because (at least some of the time) I put effort into what I write here, and if the only one reading them is me, I feel a little disenchanted with the whole scheme of things. So tell you what, I’ll leave this post up for a month, and leave a comment if you out there are reading this and want me to continue. If I don’t get enough people interested in this now, I think I’ll just stop. It’s just not worth it if no one appreciates your stuff, right? I don’t know what to expect, and like the fool that I am, I think it is better to hope and then be wrong. So I’ll hope to get a good reception to this meta-post. (And I’ll know if it’s just one person posting as multiple. Don’t even try.) Peace be with you, whatever may come.
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| Victory | 2:35am tuesday, 26th october |
If we are to be well, we must search for what lurks, in the corners of our soul. For when a thing is faced when we are prepared, that long has haunted us, caught us unaware, we can be bold and bring such a darkness into the light. And no darkness can withstand the light. Upon the first of the victories, we gain something of a faith in ourselves, that we can prevail against the forces against us, even if it is that those forces are within. And we may find ourselves accidentally triumphant: such is our lot, sometimes. Remember: light is not a dream, darkness does not exist, and the game of life can be won when we decide never to be defeated. Even if we have been defeated in the past, such is how heroes are made: that we muster up the juice to face what is out there, even if it is in here. All we need is a crack in “their” armor, and we may find that much of the horror is illusion. Because if we ourselves are the candle to light the way, darkness is lit up, and is darkness no more.
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| the quiet | 6:07am friday, 22nd october |
there is a quiet i have not heard
a silence like a light that shines, in which to walk
to believe in what is mine without prophecy
the courage needs no sign
and the way to lose time is to try and hold it
we must busy with the struggle
for life that is lived forgives what is lost
we redeem ourselves by asking why
we rhyme the error into our purpose
to spy a glimpse like paradise in the corner of the eye
the quiet be the unknown name of God
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| 10/12/10 | 4:32am monday, 18th october |
I’m not the Antichrist. I fought with Satan again, and won this. Rather, the Lord won this. The Lord took the lowest note. Satan tried to go lower, but there was none. Satan said he took the highest note, but the Lord said that there was higher, and took the highest note. And I said, “If the Lord has my beginning and my end, what place is there for you, Satan?” And then the Devil tried to get familiar, utilizing the raw inmost of where my soul has stored all the paranoia that I was the Cursed One. But the Archangel Michael was there to help me. And I said, “If it were just me against you, I would be doomed, but the One who calls me is faithful, and He will do it.” And then I held on, as Satan railed against the Lord, who was with me. But the Devil could not prevail, and in the end, I was finally free of that curse.
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| Hey, China | 1:20am thursday, 14th october |
Liu Xiaobo, one of yours, won the Nobel Peace Prize. As soon as it happened, the great firewall started blanking every place that had the merest mention of this fact. That a dissident won probably the most prestigious prize on earth. I was going to let this fact go, thinking that the news would spread somehow, anyway, but man, China has a real stranglehold on the info that comes and goes. So I am trying now to get myself in trouble by them, since (once again I say) I’m getting weird extra traffic to my site from you guys. Because information wants to be free. That was part of the hacker ethic, and I am a hacker. Old school. If you can read this, see if you can spread it in secret: Liu Xiaobo won the Nobel Peace Prize. But don’t get in trouble yourselves; I have little to lose, and I would not want real danger to come to y’all there. Cheers.
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| watch | 2:36am sunday, 10th october |
our spirits stretch through the unseen land
to appear in someone else’s dreams
where the lights intersect to sharpen a meaning
and the message is carried in the flow
be not afraid, for there is mercy in the heights
the vials of prayer, elixirs of hope
where i have gone without memory of now
and i deny that i am imaginary
to wonder of the day i will watch from on high
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| Update | 1:26am wednesday, 6th october |
So, much has been going on of late. I mentioned last when I wrote about my life (a little) that there was a Russian model that was kinda interested in me. High drama ensued. Her ex-boyfriend, who is tormenting himself trying to decide whether he’s gay or not, is staying with us here in the apartment. And it was apparent at the last little party my roommate threw that she was still hung up on him. He’s staying till the end of the month, whereupon she’s also leaving town, to go back to Russia for a while. I’m not going to actively pursue her anymore; it’s too exhausting, the highs and lows. In other news, I’m still working on my AI, taking a few days off from the day gig, in fact, to try and get the prototype (finally) working. Wish me luck. Too busy better than not busy enough. Always.
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| escape | 12:05am saturday, 2nd october |
even in the highest heights, we desire escape
some incompleteness that gnaws at our egos
i have been a sinner to think i was a saint
the ground a harsh friend when i fall
sometimes to find the dream awakens you
and that you were redeemed some time ago
and such love from nowhere: is everywhere
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