From before, after I got out of the rehab center, I started going to Korean language classes at a local university in Seoul. I remember the real effort was trying to have a conversation with people. I remember it was like grasping at straws to find something — anything — which would progress the conversation on, and I remember settling a lot on my choice of questions and answers, unable to come up with what I really wanted to say. All I had been used to was talking to the little pictures in my head, or thinking at them with the words.
I was still the Archangel Michael at the time, and my companions were still Rosanna Arquette and Jesus in my head. There were also little pictures of me which came and went — I had believed that there were three parts to every individual, as we were made in the image of the triune God, so I could see my other two parts. That was the running theory, at any rate. I was, however, quite stable for several months (we now go from September of 1995 to about March of 1996). I had gotten a job teaching English at an institute for about a month from February to March, but I had to quit. For after those several months of stability, I got my hand on some cannabis in the form of hashish. I smoked it mixed with tobacco.
As punishment, I went through some doses of terror when the forces in my head turned on the Antichrist trip a couple times. Lots of fear, but there weren't too many of those. And I slept this one time for about a week, only getting up for food and the bathroom. Seriously. I slept for a week. After those minor trials were over, I felt was okay enough at this point to go back to school. Back to college. It had been five years. I had gone through much. But the Lord had worked a wonder in this poor soul, that I had recovered enough, now, to hold conversations with people and to function in a classroom environment again. Not just a prisoner of my own private world, but able to act in the real one. Stay tuned. One more big weirdness to go.
Lucy
2:28pm monday, 26th november
Well, hello.
I've read most of your entries. I enjoy reading them. And I hope you don't find this insulting...but I'm making a movie about someone suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, with severe social anxiety. It's an interesting, "disorder" shall we say, seeing as most of the time, it seems in most occasions, people with schizophrenia are more intelligent than those without.
Well anyways, I was wondering this--because I'm not sure you mentioned it--but were you actually diagnosed with schizophrenia? (Not that you can truly diagnose such a thing.)
And...I was thinking of starting my own livejournal, but I don't have a code, or the means required to pay for an account. . .Do you still have a code? You did start out with LiveJournal.com am I right?
Well, you can email me back at jenavieve23@hotmail.com if at all possible. Oh, and it's my cousin's email address, so just put the subject name as "Lucy."
Arno
12:32am wednesday, 28th november
I'm very sorry to hear what you have had
to go through. i hope it will teach people
the horror and the somtimes exciting times
of this sickness. God Bless America.
someone's mom
2:31am friday, 30th november
I am sorry for your hardtimes,proud of your strengths and accomplishments. Your an insperation for me. I pray to understand my son's illness, and hope he chooses to recover and move forward in life.............THANK YOU
Lucy
Arno
someone's mom