I spent all day today (Saturday) arguing with myself. Literally. My current self arguing with my old self. My new self won about 99% of the confrontations. I converted him today, thank the Lord: he prayed for something, and when it happened — when what he prayed for happened — I showed him the result, and then he saw it; it hit him: He's real; the Lord is real.
Then he went about with something of a panic attack with that information. What are those stages for coping with something? Denial, fear, anger, etc., leading up to acceptance. He finally got there. I have thought this many times, and perhaps I will think this many times in the future; it never ceases to bring joy, and I hope you will experience it sometime in your life: I am saved today.
I think the process by which that happened shows something, that even though my old self, just woken up from a decade's slumber, did not believe, the prayer came true. Prayer. Nothing like it, no drug, no high, nothing. Moments of desperation and elation both call for it, and it quiets the soul like a candle in the heart.
kele
3:15am saturday, 27th october
i have been sufferind from severe abuse since 3 and as a result had auditory and visual hallucinations
i realize from reading your entries that no one can hear me unless i talk to them and no one notice me unless i decide to be noticed. i also relized that because of that i am safe from all that abused me and those that still chip away at my boundaries. i am saved i wish it was that simple for you that you had had this outlet before to explore your truth until you were finished constructing and stabilizing your inner world and could distinguish between the two. i suggest you read a book called THE IMPERSONAL LIFE. thank you
kele