Just when was it that I started losing touch? These angels that flit around in my mind’s eye — if I look back , can I see the traces of their passing by in the thoughts and visions of a mind relatively sound? I seem to recall, as the drugs had more and more of their hold on me, hearing and seeing things; and thinking things, of course. A friend of mine marked the day when I declared my Christ complex as the day when I went insane. But if that is the day that it started to become noticeable, it must, I think, have started before that point. Could it be traced back all the way back to 1988, the infinite light experience? Further than that, even? Was I destined to doom in the dropping of my first LSD tab? My first joint? How the past is sometimes a mystery, if the memory does not open all the way.
Reflection
2:56am wednesday, 8th october
........smell of carcass.......
Where the buzzard smells,
the essence of love lingers not.
Dying in my foul trust of life,
I live only lies. Waking only to
dream of sleep.
What is more precious than death?
Living outside the door to limitless
worlds of imagination. I am desire less
to mingle with the masses
foolishly making sense
of their own reason.
A hermits life I cannot have.
Like a animal being flushed from its home by fire.
Sadly I wait til the paupers grave
is good and ready.
To comfort my bones
and drying flesh,
and carry me back to the dust
of nevermore.
Reflection
7:34pm thursday, 9th october
Stand, I'm burnt out on music...I'm starting to get into poetry.......I'd be so honored if you would critique my poem...be straight up honest....I can take it..........Here it is:
Close To Rest
Melancholy years have
brought me to this place. To the
edge of a cliff that drops into eternity. Where my body floats
in the feeling of a cloud.
A euphouria beyond words.
A place of rest well deserved.
My battle is almost over.
The battle with myself.
My body cannot hold the weight of
my fatigue.
Letting go of everything, I take my place amongst the clean immortals.
Complete silence. The essence of beauty.
The essence of life. True life.
Stand
8:34pm thursday, 9th october
I like "My body cannot hold the weight of / my fatigue." That's one kind of device I like to use. "drops into eternity" is ambiguous, and not in a good way, I don't think — do you mean it's a good thing or a bad thing that you're there? If it's a good thing, why do you use "edge of a cliff" (connotes death, even suicide). If it's a bad thing, why do you continue that you are euphoric? (Euphoria misspelled.) The two lines of the second portion could be shortened into "The battle with myself is almost over." with better effect, I think. What or who are the "clean immortals"?
Did you mean to end with a bang? Some people (myself included) like to end with a final line that stands out. Yours halfway does, halfway just kind of sits there. The problem is that it's too vague. Concrete imagery is usually better for effect.
My 2c.
Reflection
8:58pm thursday, 9th october
THE POEM MASTER HAS SPOKEN
Ok Stand, I go sit in the corner with my dunce hat on....Hey, its only my fifth or six poem......
At least you were honest.
a nameless flower
10:26pm thursday, 9th october
A favourite poem,by Izumi Shikibu:
" I used up this body
longing for one who does not come.
A deep valley,now
what was once my heart."
Beautiful,wouldn't you say?
Stand
10:34pm thursday, 9th october
Reflection: if this is one of your first poems, it's a good start. What I recommend is to read poetry from the great ones for inspiration. See how things are done. T. S. Eliot, William Blake, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, E. E. Cummings to name a few of my favorites.
Reflection
a nameless flower