What is the dividing line between sanity and madness? When do you know you have crossed it? I think in the case of psychosis (perhaps other things, also), you don't know you're gone until you're really gone. I mean, before I was talking to the people in my head, the slide was so that I had thought I was Jesus Christ and then that Walt Disney was God (seriously). People didn't think I was insane then, however — they just thought I was a little odd. Perhaps certainty comes into play. I think normal people are uncertain about many of their facts; psychotic people are adamant about the "facts" that classify them as being totally out of touch with reality. I "knew" somehow things other people didn't.
I have read cases of other people, and it is interesting to me — madness sometimes just goes unnoticed. If there is no network of people who know you really well, there is no one to tell if you are acting in a bizarre fashion — if they don't know how you're supposed to be, maybe they just think you are a bizarre person. Of the people who have a network, even then are small changes unnoticed, and only a very strange pattern of behavior clues them in that somehow you've gone over to a bad place. What is the line? It's when a stranger replaces you. It's someone posing as your old self; even from your own vantage point, you look through strange eyes. But sometimes, that person comes back — and to welcome arms.
Raymond
3:17am saturday, 29th december
Welecome arms;what a wonderful feeling to know that someone waits for you.To realize that you are not going to do anything alone;even if you think that you are alone.Everyone has different levels of normal.Some people think normal is having a high paying job ;while others think doing something that you enjoy is the norm.Where is the deep end of the pool for you;if you cannot swim it is where your nose starts going under water.If you can swim really well; there is no deep end in the pool.Do not let what other people think of you bother you so much;evryone you know thinks of you differently.Today is yesterdays tommorrow and tommorrows yesterday.Have fun enjoy today;it is worth the time it takes.
Pierre Anoid
3:03pm sunday, 30th december
I don't now that my network of friends really helped me when I changed. A network of non-normals helped me back from psychosis. My normal friends I want them but I only see them occassionally. They pegged me as schizo the moment I heard people talking about me. I didn't like their labels and basically found my own people to be with after that. Of course with out the doctors and nurses I wouldn't be writing this in my exploration of personal web journals today inpsired by my studies of the sociology of the Internet.
Raymond
Pierre Anoid