The thing about this madness is that it has done me more good than harm. It has taught me things. It has made me a better person. One might argue that I merely have been fortunate, that my psychological makeup merely facilitated just this certain type of psychosis, one that heals, as it debilitates. But what one usually calls luck is to label without explanation what is unknown.
To elaborate further, I quote David Ben-Gurion: “In order to be a realist, one must believe in miracles.” If this psychosis basically saved me from itself, how am I to interpret this? One could say I was blessed with a self-healing mind, but that just moves the miracle from the pattern in the mind to the mind itself. It does not reconcile things. These are the things that science does not explain, and may never explain. There are phenomena like that in reality, the inexplicable — one should not close one’s mind to such things in heaven and earth. Like so: not only a self-healing mind, a self-healing life. And what is the source of that healing? I say, Jesus Christ. Just like what the faith says it should be.
One can try to reason around such a conclusion, with theory upon theory based on what is known about brain function, psychology, etc. But occam’s razor asks for the simplest explanation: God heals, God healed me. And thus I get back to the question of whether I actually saw Jesus or not. Based on how He behaves, how spot on His character is, it might as well be Him telling me how to live life. Thus it would, in my opinion, be irrational of me not to believe as I do. Because Jesus does for me as advertised. And thus my wondering how much of my visions were Him personally saying hello.
If we go back, too, to how things may be described more “rationally”, like the thought about how the demon is the part of me, within me, that is evil, how the people like Einstein and da Vinci are my scientific and talented parts, how Jesus and the angels are my superego. But how did it get that way? So nicely separated, one part from another, into digestible cognitive pieces... can you then deny me in totalis the spirit of the miraculous? I think not.
So there are things I’m definitely not so sure about. For example, one theory about how Halospace is like, is that time and space don’t work in the same way as it does in the material world, nor is the quality of being of the same essential form. What “is” means is different.
Also there is other data that I cannot make whole sense of, but that is the way of life. I just put it out there these, my beliefs, to show that I do not have faith blindly, for no reason. I am a scientist, or would like to think of myself as such. If you are not convinced, as I once was not (about such things), I know just that one doesn’t believe in the remarkable until something remarkable happens to you. I understand. All I am saying is that it did happen to me. And continues to. And that’s about it.
Peace be with you.
Reflection
1:04pm sunday, 30th october
Do you think Schizophrenia is more of a spirituality crisis?.........
Stand
1:30am monday, 31st october
It might be something along those lines, but I always thought of it as a mind breaking in two, and you only have control of one of those halves.
Reflection
1:43pm monday, 31st october
I think Schizophrenia is the greatest challenge..If you can come out the other side of it, your reasoning and knowledge of the whole game is made far superior......
I'm trying to adjust my brain frequency to the aliens, so we can communicate. I want them to come down and take me to another planet..They haven't answered yet..Ha,ha
Reflection
Stand