The new year starts. Let me mark it along the lines of the special kind of hope it invokes. What I write today is to bring a sort of light to those who have been particularly beaten down, this last year. We look forward, and we look back. Happy New Year.
I think too much is made about being unbroken. About being uncompromized, pristine and unconquered. I think I've been broken several times through the last decade, when I was mad. My madness made it a habit. Really, it's not that bad. I mean I've really been broken: at the end of my rope, bereft of any sense of dignity whatsoever, dragged through the dirt: broken. Okay, maybe it is that bad. The first time, as you might think, is the worst. But you know, you've still got stuff even when you've nothing left, not even your pride. You've still got yourself, what's left of it — you still have life. You have another day. I'm not saying you're stronger after being broken, but there is a sense of wisdom that comes with it.
Here's the thing, I think. Like all things besides the end of the world, it's not the end of the world. Sometimes being broken is the only thing that will wake you up to the real world. It certainly did in my case. You see, even after you've totally given up, quit on life, life still goes on. After complete failure, you still have another day to wake up to. It may take a little doing, but guess what? You can try again. Or try something different. You're not dead — you just feel like it. What's that famous saying, "Where there's life there's hope"? I do not envy those who go through their whole lives never truly knowing defeat — those unbroken. Even average air is like that of a mountain peak to those who have come from the pit.
cheryl
1:29am tuesday, 1st january
I just got my computer today and found your site. Your right the first episode was the worst. I have never spoken with anyone who has experienced what I have except a therapist and thats not the same. I am looking forward to reading more.
Raymond
10:00pm tuesday, 1st january
What I have learned over the course of my lifetime is that I am the person who is in charge of my future.If I sit back and let everything happen around me;I get what comes my way.But if I get envovled in what happens in my life;I get to choose how things will affect me.It is the start of a new year and the start of a new day;lets pray that we all make the most out of what comes our way and the way we choose to live our lifes.Happy New Year everyone.May it be the best year you ever had come your way.
Rick
10:39am wednesday, 9th january
New Year dream for me is to find both my voice and a listener. You have found a listener Stand but you have sort of lost me too. I have seen and thought so much throughout my life and found it ever so hard to express schizophrenia. So much has no words until someone says them but then those words get taken up again by those who don't know and they lose meaning. I remember reading descriptions of L.S.D. experiences next to Pot ones ant found them the same yet all of us who have used dope know they are worlds apart so too is schizophrenia. Sort of sounds the same but worlds apart. Do you know what I mean? Does anyone?
Pluto
10:43am wednesday, 9th january
Let's go deeper into this new year, deeper into a greater expression for us all. Let us all hold our breath and dive into deep waters below schizophrenia and madness and back into the light that is both above and below the sea. Deep in earth you will find the other side of a sphere and again sky. let us just see if under madness we find the same.
Teth
10:51am wednesday, 9th january
On the mark Stand. Nine is the number the Kabbalist placed on The Hermit but Yod the Letter. The Hermit has your prize. Seek The Hermit's Wisdom, profound, pro-found. There are books that speek from the ancients of old who somehow knew that the key to recovery from the broken state of the broken mind would be found in Spirit(Breath/Psyche). Read up on Mothers Milk or Sacred Cows, whatever you wish. Eventually you will see connections upon connections to good breath/good spirit. See The Fool Key in Tarot for He knows the Lows or will you bet, of where you speek. He is a Breath from above in some sense. See me for details.
The Marker
10:57am wednesday, 9th january
Adam missed the mark by calling the serpent a lowly name. To miss the mark, a sin. To lift the Serpent a healing agent. Upon the Cross a Doctorit thesis. Alone I am surrounded by faint voices, promices never fullfilled. From this I reach out to you, whoever you really are Stand and ask who is the real madman? Call all things by there proper name and here begins wisdom. His Name, the One Sound Before You Speak. Aleph is the Ox to carry the load. Breath deep and begin again anew for it truely is a new day and year to boot.
Yogi Noitall
11:09am wednesday, 9th january
Breath deep and slow. Move mucles one by one and relax. Relax and take a deep breath dear schizophrenic son. All will be taken care of for you. The Universe will hold while you ready for it or rest. drift where you may, you will always come back to my voice. Hear me soothe and tell you a truth. Breath is Spirit and is filled with life and knowlege of it all. No great truth higher in any spiritual text but this says me and the Fool who is but a receptical for God's Unifying breath. His Spirit pre-voice is the message of the ages. Logos is Logic and Reason her light dear Lucifer, Morning Star or what you will. Reason, that light, logic, that too are ruled by all religion rules. A way of thinking once lost to you can now be found. Hold your Breath and you Lose it. Seek it and You find it. Breath easy now, you are initiated as is every one having the breath of God breathed from his mouth into your nose. Only those with such a breath have such a thing as a soul so the Bible goes.
cheryl
Pluto
Teth