I will dream big dreams, for I am small. I will dream big dreams so that I can imagine that I am big, too, that I matter to the grand scheme in a grand way. I will give my heart away to a hopeless cause for perhaps those are the only causes left worthy enough to give my heart to. Dreams are cheap, if only just to dream them; I'll take a dozen, thank you.
I will love someone who does not love me back, for that is love's calling. It is maybe a little too easy to love someone who does me right — I have no proof I love, merely giving what I get, and love needs to be tested. I will prove to myself I have a heart that is true.
I will hope when all others despair, for that is a candle that will last the night. Beware when you only hope when all around you do: sometimes, we will find ourselves alone. What then?
I will be a human being, for that is perhaps the highest calling, after all.
Helen
3:29am wednesday, 2nd january
i was wondering how you found God? It's been hard for me, I've gone in the opposite direction.
anonomous
3:35am wednesday, 2nd january
i was just wondering, what are some of the early signs of schitzophrenia? i just saw the movie "THE CELL" (good movie) and its about going it to a schitzophrenic serial killer's mind. it might just be me, or it might be the paranoia (I smoked HYDRO out of a GRAVITY BONG last night) but i think i might someday become schitzophrenic. When im not high, im a VERY paranoid person, with a VERY GOOD imagination, i get insomnia 1/2 the time, and i am a VERY VERY good daydreamer. I could lie in bed all day just thinking up my own little fantasy world. I doubt i am a schitzophrenic, yet. Because im only 14, and i read a little about the ilnness, and it sayed usually uccors form age of 15-(forgot what age goes here). so i was just wondering if you could offer a little insight on the subject. thanx.
anonomous-again
3:45am wednesday, 2nd january
I also forgot to mention that i sometimes feel "like im not normal" kinda like im weel, "special" having special powers, being above everyone else. And i like to think up theorys alot. about like existance. iunno, help please!
Parkay
4:04am wednesday, 2nd january
I feel alot like anonymous does, infact last summer I actually laid in bed for two hours just thinking up my own world. I've developed absurd fears that are hard to explain, and I know that they make no sense, but I just can't get rid of the feeling. I also keep having dreams about being in movie scenes of movies that I hate and then I'm attacked by something in the water. Forthe last few months I haven't had any sleep schedule. On one night, I'll go to bed at 11:00, and then the next night I won't go to bed until about 5:00 a.m. And I remember, that as a young child, I would think about something, and then I would hear someone contradict me from inside my head. I've also had feelings like I'm not even me.
anonomous
4:11am wednesday, 2nd january
yeah me too.
but at least you have dreams. I can only remember my dreams about 5% of the time, and when i can remember them, they are the weirdest things imaginable!
Parkay
4:52am wednesday, 2nd january
Trust me, I have wierd dreams. I had on one wher I was standing at the bottom of an outdoor set of stairs in a mickey mouse suit eating chicken and the movie Shrek came on as a play. Cameron Diaz was dressed in the Charlie's angels waitress outfit and was playing the princess. She kissed Shrek and the play turned into an ad for a movie called Diaztec, because Cameron had changed her name to Diaztec. At the end she ran off like Speedy Gonzales (with those shooting gun sound effects). Then I was hired for one of the people at the truth organization and I don't remember any of the dream after that.
cheryl
5:41am wednesday, 2nd january
I really enjoy the way you articulate the experience of schizophrenia. I can relate. I also have had a breakthrough from the depths of hell and my reality is somewhat normal accept for the accasional insecurity that comes from having had the experience to begin with. I guess God has big plans for me I don't know what but I know I'm very lucky by that I mean I've only had one super episode that lasted one and a half years it was my first episode prior to being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia I was put on medication and had a breakthrough a couple months later then I could not believe where i had been you know what a strange trip like worse than any twilight zone episode I could have ever imagined anyway I started back to college and finished up my last year I stayed on meds for about two years and then stopped taking them and i was fine I dealtwith all kinds of stress then eight years later I remember standing in a restuarant a very busy one and all the sudden everyone in the room sitting at there tables even the waitresses were all the police investigating me.. that was just the beginning all over again accept I thought it was so real i am kucky that my mom recognized the symtoms and got me to the hospital. anyway I've been on medication resperdol and buspar everthing is fine accept my selfesteem is low . I am glad you are writing it gives me something to look forward to reading thanks again
Stand
5:47am wednesday, 2nd january
Helen: I prayed. I think it may have started with just a simple prayer, on my knees to whatever was out there; I asked, "Guide me."
anonymous: Hopefully, that's just the pot talking. But if you're not feeling all that secure, talk to someone about it — like your parents. I would guess you would want to leave out the part about the gravity bong.
Parkay: I'm not a psychologist, but I think you also would benefit talking to someone who does know how to deal with this stuff. If you're working, see if your health insurance covers a voluntary visit to a psychologist. If not, then see if there's a free clinic in your area.
Parkay
10:47pm wednesday, 2nd january
Thank you
Raymond
2:55am friday, 4th january
Hello everyone;The way we see ourselves is how everyone else sees us;it is our aroura.Do I believe that we all have aroura's;yes because we all have a soul.Doctors can bandaged up your cuts and scrapes;but they can not explain how your body starts to heal it's self.Doctors make educated quesses about what is wrong with you.You know if your stomach hurts;or if you broke your arm;the doctors give you medicine and will bandaged up your broke bones;but they do not always quess right.If you think that your doctor is wrong; find out for yourself.Get a second opinion for yourself.The bible I read tells about my savior throwing out demons that took over peoples bodies;he brought people back from the dead;he also healed the sick;blind;and people who could not be healed by any other means.The people who he did this for all had faith that he was the son of GOD.Everyone has to make their own choise;I made mine and it is that I believe in JESUS CHRIST.I have my own stories that lead me to believe in him;but this is Stands site and I really enjoy reading his journals.But like I was saying if I do not believe that he threw out demons and was tempted by satan then I do not really believe at all.My bible says that there is demons in this world;but none of them can disobey JESUS because he is the son of GOD.Just ask JESUS to help you with your daily struggles and to remove the demons from your life;and he will do it.Now watch yourself because they can come back if you fall away from GOD.If you have JESUS with you at all times;how can anything evil effect you?It can't.
Adrienne
5:40pm tuesday, 8th january
Satin IS NOT real. I believe we make our own demons in this world-they are real and they are out there. but you can overcome them by keeping your ears and eyes to the Lord.
Unreal Rick
11:19am wednesday, 9th january
Been up all night checking out the site. Keep it up please. I like what I read and like the fact I can comment. Forgive me for the endless namechanges and strang comments but I could not resist the urge to point in the directions I have been in the hope it might actualy help a schizophrenic with some occult(hidden or secret) knowledge. Have you gotten much feedback in the past? As much as tonight?
Angelia
1:51am friday, 5th march
I met this guy on the internet and we talked for months bout eveything.. He informed me he was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, and he has issues w/ takin' street drugs.. Last weekend we met for the first time and spent the weekend together.. I never thought I could fall in love with someone so quick, but w/ him I did.. I felt so comfortable, and we jst had an amazin time.. till this old gf of his called... She is hevy into drugs and tells him her bf/ fiance' is beating her and she wants to come back to him.. He says he loves her, but he also tells me he loves me too.. I think in a lot of ways he doesn't believe he's "good enough" and that I deserve bettah.. Thing is I don't want bettah I want to love him forever and always, but i'm affraid he'll never let me... Does anyone have any advice on how to approach him with this being for real.. That I really do love him? How can I prove it without scaring him off, smotherin him, or comin acrost pathetic.. Plz help me..:(
Stacy
4:01pm thursday, 6th july
Hi everyone i just wanted everyone to know that God Loves them and whatever we are going throuhg he is always with us
Helen
Parkay
cheryl
Stacy