I notice detail more, these days. There are instances where I look at the world and think that I have never seen so much there before, surely not when I was young. I look at the same things I did when I was, say, a teenager, and I see more than I used to. There's a lot there in the everyday. Have you ever seen how much detail there is in a wood surface? It's amazing. There were times during my madness when I would stare at a lamppost pole for minutes at a time, and there were times when I noticed nothing of what went on around me. But when I was captured by objects in my gaze, perhaps I saw things that were not there, then.
Maybe it's perspective. I see the amazing in the everyday because perhaps the everyday is new to me again. While I was gone, the ordinary was not ordinary — everything had ethereal structures imbued within it. Gotta make good stuff with what you got, too. Perhaps this is my way of making lemonade with the lemon I got. Times like these though, when I notice how amazing everything really is, sometimes I'm kinda thankful for what has happened to me. Years that I lost, there was a payout in the end: I have emerged back into the ordinary with a new perspective, one that I would not have had if my course had been mundane. A long time coming.
Kyle
2:06am wednesday, 9th january
confuzed and sad, depression getting to me again I now have time to realise the small details like you speak about yet I won't let them go, people walk all over the details and I am the one left behind saying sorry to inanimate objects because for fear they are a live and they talk back or is it me? ???
suspension_master@hotmail.com
cheryl
4:01am wednesday, 9th january
After what has happened to me how could there possibly be a payout in the end? I've always looked for that and on some levels I know that it must be true. However I've emergedback into the ordinary with a new perspective all right one that was just fine. F.I.N.E.=f-cked-up' Insecure' nuerotic'& exhausted. I'm much stronger now that some time has passed and I hope I can feel the way you do someday. Thank-you for yhe hope.
Rick
9:31am wednesday, 9th january
Details, seventy to be exact and that is AYN fact, for mine eye has seen like ADM and VChVH that is Adam and Eve. Do you know this one Lucifer?
Kcir
9:35am wednesday, 9th january
DETAILS, "The Devil is in the Details" But I know what you mean I think. I suffer Schizophrenia myself but I take a Kabbalistic approuch. Try it. Eye or Ayin in Hebrew is the 16 letter there with a numerology of 70 all by itself. So is Adam and Eve, we all heard thier story about seeing and eye openings. Want more?
H13
9:38am wednesday, 9th january
H13 in Hebrew might correspond to the number 25. ChYUA in Hebrew meaning The Beast. Odd!
Advocate
9:42am wednesday, 9th january
Forgive Rick, Kcir and H13 or whatever his name is. They are all being represented by me in thier collective case against the Devilish Schizophrenia. They mean no harm but they can be odd and they intrude on anothers conversation like the voices themselves. Forgive!!
Kyle
2:01pm wednesday, 9th january
I can't understand what you are all speaking about because I can't concentrate but I think, maybe you are wrong...I am not sure, no hostility from me don't take it that way. I, never mind can't think straight....
Kyle
2:06pm wednesday, 9th january
SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME SATAN HAUNTS ME PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN
Rick
2:13pm wednesday, 9th january
Kyle, That H13 message was wrong. H13 is 18 in the Hebrew system. Satan is not here. I don't think. I was just playing Devils Advocate in a sense.
Rick
2:14pm wednesday, 9th january
Kyle, if you are hurting email me. If you are schizophrenic by diagnosis I may be able to help you. my email is rchorj@netscape.net
Rick
2:17pm wednesday, 9th january
18 is the number of ChY or Chai or Living in Hebrew. This is a page for survival and hope.
Kyle
cheryl
Rick
Kcir
H13
Advocate
Rick