At times I feel secure. At times I feel that I am as sane as your average person on the street, those walking happily to the places they will go. I am not, though; I am different. I will always be different. The past I have experienced I cannot undo, the things I have seen I cannot unsee. I think some of you reading the entries in this site know what I mean. To be attacked from within, nowhere to run to because you carry your affliction with you wherever you may go. To those people, thank you for being there, thank you for reading this. It is a great sort of comfort those two words, that which has been expressed to me sometimes in your comments, and a few times in your emails: "I understand."
The others of you, those who have never been in the pit: count your lucky stars. I hope my website fulfills your curiosity about what goes on in the other side of sanity. Understand that what you read about my condition is very personal, that madness is a very personal thing. It's like that cave in Star Wars: the Empire Strikes Back, where Luke goes when he's being taught by Yoda: all that's there is only what you bring with you. The madness feeds on all that we have done and experienced, and although symptoms have a theme, all of them are individually packaged for each person in his own mode of seeing — what is there in the world and what is there in his dreams. That's why sometimes we make sense only to us.
To both you groups, let me just say that I will try every day to accommodate you all. And I hope you will tell your friends about me.
cheryl
1:59am tuesday, 15th january
I read your journal everyday now and it's changing my life. I'm not alone anymore. I can look at my past and let go some-you know not beat myself up for where I've been. I know I'll never be like most other people because of my past experiences but maybe somehow thats a good thing. I'm blown away at the way you can express exactly what it's like having been mad. I feel a little bad because I don't have much to give back right now. However I do understand and I'm very glad your here.
lindsey
2:06am tuesday, 15th january
this is the first time i have ever been to this site. i dont even really know how i found it. i just am glad because i think someone else gets it now.. like sometimes its fine.. but then you turn around and realize its not. nothing can say can make people understand.. so you pretend to feel things.. like pity, and sorrow.. but the truth is, is that i dont.. the only thing i feel is fear. as if someone is ripping the breath out of my lungs.
Kyle
2:05pm tuesday, 15th january
I don't know how I found this web site either, but I am happy that I did because it changed my life as well.
??
4:11pm tuesday, 15th january
I am pretty much the same way, my life was fucked and I am slowly getting it back. I just have one peice of advice, keep your head up life goes on
tessa
8:11pm tuesday, 15th january
I feel some sort of what you are feeling.At no time do I feel comfort and I feel like just pulling my hair out
LG
12:05am wednesday, 16th january
Its surprising how much writing in a journal (online/offline) and reading another persons experiences can really make a difference. Theres a sense of familarity and empathy when I come onto your site. I personally feel that a little bit better knowing there are other people like me who doesn't see the world through rose colored lenses.
Raymond
1:39am wednesday, 16th january
Enjoy the site very much.Just erased a whole page on how I feel.I enjoy the input from everyone also.From this moment on may everyone's life be full of joy.
Deamon
6:46pm wednesday, 16th january
I enjoy the poetry used...
anonymous
2:14am thursday, 17th january
what can families and friends do to help? it is agony to watch someone you love, previously talented and sociable withdraw into a world of pain and fear -unable to answer the simplest question -unwilling to go to a doctor or take any medicine. how can we show we care and how can we help them back into sunshine?
Stand
4:46am thursday, 17th january
anonymous: he won't listen to anyone or take any meds? Hm. Please email me with more details of how he's been and what he's like now. I'm not sure if I can help, but I can try.
telly
9:58am saturday, 19th january
anonymous,
before i read this page i read some of the replies to the other pages and posted a message to "sadsister" ... you might want to have a look at it... at the very least, hopefully, you will know that you are not alone in the helplessness you feel in wanting to help because of loving someone like us... you need to know you are not alone, just like we need to know that we are not the only people who have to "deal" with the way our minds work... to answer your question directly: you can help by loving and accepting your family and friends that suffer from this condition... and letting them know that you care. I can tell you from personal experience that having loving friends and family has made all the difference to me... whether I was capable of being "aware" of their love and acceptance or not. The other thing that you can do to help is to educate yourself about our condition and its treatment. There is no "cure" ... at least for the majority of us... and so the more information you have, the easier you will find acceptance of your loved one.
Mark
3:28pm friday, 25th january
Im glad I found this site.
I understand. Perhaps this will help others as well, knowing theyre not the only ones going through what you have.
jcon.ru
10:14am tuesday, 22nd september
I’ll take some of your suggestions and try to apply them.
èíòåðíåò ìàãàçèí ìîäíîé îäåæäû
6:14am wednesday, 1st june
Great article . Will definitely copy it to my blog.Thanks.
cheryl
anonymous