I have lost the sense of urgency. I used to have it in spades, both spiritually and in following my technofuture dreams. It seems no great thing, nowadays, to skip a day’s prayer; I have not read much of the Bible in the last year as well. And the artificial intelligence? I seem to have no incentive to dive back into that to any depth, surely not deeply enough to be able to do something real in it. I suppose I should pray, for the purpose I once took for granted. Is this how everyone else is, the normal person? Shivering in a Brownian daydream, mostly lost? I spend my nights relaxing, for the most part. Here and there, a line of poetry comes, or an idea related to the old work (that actually doesn’t seem ever to be completely over, but for the most part, it is finished). And I feel like I should be doing something, but nothing presses me to do it.
Last night I talked with a neighbor, who is a pastor, and who has read my book. I don’t think he made sense of it all like maybe I’d like anyone who does read it to get. I explained my big point of it to him, about the War in Heaven, and why things are like they are. But we got divergent on a single point: could Judas be innocent? It’s pretty clear in the Bible that he’s not — the furthest the neighbor got was that he could be as innocent as Pharaoh in Exodus, whose heart the LORD made hard so that His purpose might be fulfilled. Yeah, he could not think that the scriptures could be wrong in such a way. Whatever, my thought right now. I had plans to make another version of the book, with a lot more material that explains the compact text as it is now. But I feel no fire at my heels. Yeah, whatever. I have the feeling something else will come, just for the time being to be normal in this way. Non-obsessed. Getting by.
Reflection
1:16pm thursday, 23rd january
Hundreds of billions of galaxies..What do we really know? LOL..I think it's laughable. I'm moving more towards common sense. This world has been in this same state of warfare and ignorance all along. Something just doesn't seem right at all about this game. The dark side punishing the good, and then the good punishes the dark, it's all the same ball of wax manipulating both sides. I'm seeking something further and more mature. I wouldn't make animals eat each other and humans always at war with each other. Consciousness is freedom, master your thoughts, master your existence.
Reflection