How much of us is the work of our own hands? Many times, especially when my madness had subsided and my head cleared, I have thought that I am much like the proverbial leaf blowing in the breeze. My madness seemed to undo all that previously I had built for myself in my character, and then, as I worked through back to sanity, it was as if I were being guided to the me I have become. It's not just how you look at the world, it's how the world looks at you. I can see this of myself, that my hands did not build much of me — can you? Even those conscious decisions you have made, in perfect lucidity — how much of that was based on circumstance, on timing of the elements available, on your mood caused by the happenings of the day — how much of it was given you?
I don't believe that control is an illusion. That, I have decided. And I believe that our choices matter, that we have free will. When it comes right down to it, though, perhaps there is littler of ourselves in the things that make us and the things we do than perhaps we ascribe to us. We take credit for the good, and we blame the bad on circumstance — no matter how much we truly had to do with it. But I think the thing we have to do is to put our butt on the line for that little bit of control we do have. That will build us up, that we take responsibility as much we can for our choices. For I think that if we do not — if we deny the choices we have made — that makes us less, both literally and figuratively. And in the end, I think it will do us well to have accepted all we are, all that we amount to.
Raymond
3:50am thursday, 17th january
You can only control your part in any thing that you do;the rest will be decided by the other people invovled.The more control you let other people have;the less you will have.It is your life live it and control it.You matter;You are special.
telly
9:27am saturday, 19th january
mmm... control... what an interesting observation... when I am at my most "lucid", the feeling of control is much greater than when I am feeling like the leaf blowing in the wind you described earlier... so for me anyway, "control" is subjective. For others, looking at me (or themselves) objectively, they say "of course I/we have control". But I often think this may be an illusion, because when it comes right down to it... all there really is, is acceptance. Acceptance of the circumstances, acceptance of my role in the event or my own part of the decisions that took me to that place/time of the event, acceptance of the outside influences. Also, acceptance of myself, of my connections with my community, how I impact it, and how it impacts me. Acceptance of the love people have for me and that I have for those in my life... so, control? no, I have not much say in the "destiny" bit, but I do have a say in how I am going to make things happen in my life and how I am going to react to the events as they unfold... at least sometimes... (*s)
Raymond