There was a window in the breeze — I smelled the other world:
an aroma I once smelled as a child, sweet and tart and sticky.
Someone must have opened a vial of dreams, drifting everywhere.
Kyle
2:52am monday, 21st january
that other world, maybe heaven, or is it just nonsense delusions we feel? :(
???????
Stand
4:22am monday, 21st january
Even from the "nonsense delusions", Kyle, I feel that we may learn something. "He not busy being born is busy dying." - Bob Dylan
Of course, some of those lessons come much later.
LG
11:33am monday, 21st january
I so envy your current hopefulness and ability to sense the sweetness of the world around you. Yet I don't envy the fact that you have paid your dues as well.
Just out of curiousity, is it a mixture of what life has offered you? Is it Love?..of course, GOD...your friends, family?
What are your "outlets"??? What do you do during that in between time when you're waiting for the meds to kick in, when you feel as if there is nothing and no one in this world that can save you...
Yes I know, you mentioned reading the Bible...but is there anything else??
Stand
12:30pm monday, 21st january
It is all from Jesus Christ, my Lord and savior. Even my family — I did not see how much they supported me during my episodes until I found God first.
I've been blessed with a strong sense of hope which I think came from believing in love. I don't think I've ever lost that, all throughout my experiences. I don't think I've ever come to a place where I thought that nothing could save me. (Courage: God is love.) You shouldn't either: dawn will come. The medicine helps a lot, though. It would be much harder to hope without its calming influence.
My "outlets" are in researching artificial intelligence for a secret project and writing for this site, my poetry and essay-bits.
LG
8:45am tuesday, 22nd january
Gee willikkers, your "outlets" are quite astounding...! Any chance you're working on the SETI project out in S.F.??
My outlets are breaking things, smashing windows and throwing bricks at bad drivers. Something tells me I need to find a hobby :o/
~ The Helper ~
4:16pm tuesday, 22nd january
You are helping my son come to understand what is happening to him. He thought he was the only one with this... thank you...just reading your journal helps calm him sometimes.
God bless.
D. Prest
5:13am wednesday, 23rd january
I, myself, am not diagnosed with any types of "mental" illnesses. I don't even knowingly know of anyone who is. Yet I still read your site e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y because I believe so strongly in all that you preach.
The only thing I can relate to with you, Stand, is that you have tried to commit suicide. I have never tried actually, probably because I am too much of a coward to intentionally harm myself, but there are those days that I wake up, or stay up for that matter, unwillingly with suicide streaming through my head. I think to myself suicide, because I feel it is the only way to hide from my problems.
On behalf of us all, thank you for the inspiration and hope.
Kyle
Stand
Stand
LG