I have become a dreamer again. I have noticed this, I think, now that I am in the thick of things again. The dreams have changed though, from the last time I was a dreamer, that decade or so ago before the psychosis ever hit. The dreams have changed considerably. I used to dream that I was going to save the world. The whole thing. I was always biting off more that I could chew back in those salad days of mine. I was always going off on wild generalizations, too. That's where I've changed — a lot — I have certain goals, certain things that I want to accomplish in a certain period of time. I'm not perfect, and the datelines sometimes must alter, but that's better that trying to become the messiah. I know that Jesus Christ has already done what that past Christ Complex wanted me to do; He has already saved the world in the best way how. And I have learned some of my place in the world; I am learning more of it still. That is good.
I have gained a little of what might be called humility. That is also a change from my former self, back before. It's sort of reflective of how humanity itself has learned something of its place, from thinking it was the center of the universe — which all other planets, the sun, and stars revolved around it — to a mediocre position as part of a mediocre galaxy. You know, a lot of scientists stop there and think of us as thus, but there is that one trump card we possess that we have as yet found nowhere else: there is life here. And I can project it into my own experience, going back to the analogy. I know I am not the Christ, but this dreamer is special. There is no other me anywhere else. My dreams are mine alone.
One further point: we are all special. Some would have you believe that if we are all special, then that is just a roundabout way of saying we're all average. I disagree. I think it is one of the wonders of the world that each one of us can possess his or her own true spark of something no one else has. It is perhaps that because we are all special we forget it, it is that we are used to it. I think we may see it similar to what I wrote before, some months back: we don't notice that miracles happen every day simply because they happen every day.
