In that last episode of madness, I had thought I was a prophet. Not only that, I had thought I was one of the Two Witnesses of Revelation (check your Bible, Revelation 11). And I thought the other Witness was Rosanna Arquette. (More regarding Ms. Arquette can be found in my story.) I even wrote a message to her, here on this site, that we perhaps were they, indeed. And there is this post, which is the one before that message to Ms. Arquette, that there were four more years until the end of the world. Let me correct this, though, that even if I were what I thought I was, the four years from September would mark the Antichrist's ascension into power, and that the end — or more precisely, the return of Jesus Christ — would happen after three and a half more years. So, actually, I would have had seven and half more years on the planet from last September, and not the four that I was thinking. And of course, all of this — prophet, Arquette, and end of the world — is a trap.
There were reasons I did think I was a prophet. Several times, I have seen the future, or seemed to. But perhaps those were illusions, too. I must understand myself what I have advised others to do who have written me: that I must put these delusions to rest. It is difficult, however. I even have words the Jesus Christ cartoon in my head dictated to me (here). It is difficult, even though I would wish rather to live a long and prosperous life, left to other, my more realistic dreams, to pursue. After all, who would not want to be an extraordinary figure by a decree of God? That is the trap: that we think ourselves far more special than the world would ever know about. In one, but only the mundane, sense, it is true, but in the more important sense that sanity tries to shake us into seeing, all of it is false.
This is what I have been wrestling with in the past few months. I pray that I will see it through — that I wander to the lands where sanity calls. The struggle is perhaps a noble one, that I must choose the lesser of two rewards and keep choosing it, that I must struggle to be less than what circumstances seem to project. In the end, I am only me: not a man of thunder, throwing lightning to the ground, but a man of rain, caught in the downpour of days going by.
SAMMY
3:13am monday, 27th may
You are special, don't let yourself think otherwise. Also, I know the struggle of floating between sanity and madness. The transition. Coming down from an all too sweet high and beautiful happenings. I am still struggling with the depression that hit me afterward. But nevertheless I never doubt The Creator who carried me through and showed me sweet blessings. You will have good and bad days. May God Bless you!
dee
10:33pm monday, 27th may
Rather than spending your time planning and dreaming of the future - see and understand what is happening around you and live each moment as it happens!
SAMMY
dee