There is always a "Why?" to come along, if you let it. Everyone has pain, that is a given. Sometimes we do not move on fast enough, or far enough; sometimes the question pops into our head: "Why?". I have felt a great deal of pain, but usually I can look to the present, where I am pretty much content with what I've been given. I don't look back at all, mostly. And sometimes that is bad, that I should look behind me and learn from the past, but if I do look, there are instances where the question pops up, out of my control to stop it: "Why?".
Many times, I have found answers good enough to satisfy small ones, why I stood and waited for an hour for a bus to come, why my dinner fell on the floor. Something else happens to me, and gives purpose why I have felt small pains. And there is, if I will let myself understand, a grand answer, that I have found God, that I have learned humility, that I have been made to grow up when I would not — the great why of how I was lost inside myself for so long. But in the middle, when there are large details that are unaccounted for, I am stuck on the question.
I think I need a night when I can run into the woods, strip off my clothes, and howl at the moon. I think that would do it. The "Why?" — sometimes no answer will come. And sometimes one needs a primal release of the frustration in that: one long, mad howl. That's what I need.
Erica
9:17pm monday, 11th march
This is an interesting entry. I especially agree with the primal release. There have been many times that I felt like jumping into the freezing ocean butt naked or just screaming at the top of my lungs in order to escape from my head.
Raymond
1:42am tuesday, 12th march
Screaming all day and night would not ease the pain that had been It would make me wonder what did I do to deserve this awful presence that made me want to leave this world early.The choise was not mine to make it was someone else's.Tommorrow comes with hope and the sun will shine.It will send a new morning for me to enjoy as long as I let the joy flow freely.I will never understand WHY;but I do know that it was a new path or direction for my life to take and make my own.
Erica