Sometimes there is that old feeling: "Escape!" Chuck it all, just pick up and leave, don't look back. Run away, far away... But the feeling passes, eventually, or it is shoved out of prominence by a sense of responsibility I have cultured through these past years. Maturity triumphs over immaturity, as necessity wins over desire. I want to get out (out of the situation, out of my life, out of my head), but I need to stay, to face the music, to suffer the consequences whatever they may be. I think it may do with a sort of fear, that what is known and bearable, though it may be bad, is truer than what is unknown — the unknown possibly better, but possibly (or, as experience has revealed to me, most probably) worse.
It may be that this road I am on, this is the only road I have ever known, really. The other paths I have followed have resulted in madness, resulted in abject failure as a human being, a productive member of society. I have joined the game, as it were, if it can be called a game. And for me, it is the only game that I have ever found that it is worth it to play. "Escape!" my fantasy whispers to me, but I am years past the time where I will listen to that little voice. This I have earned, this one phrase, and I have been able to use it correctly again and again: "I've been through worse." And I know, however bad things get, all things pass, and a new day starts fresh.
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8:45am monday, 20th may
only now exists so live in it
Kyle
4:57am sunday, 26th may
Havent posted in a while but this one hit me deep. I feel that we need to escape sometimes. Forget about responsibility..just go! When I am 18 my girlfriend and I are going to Thailand. We are just gonna pack up and go forget about everything else......would you call me imature?
e-mail me... suspension_master@hotmail.com
CC
3:12am wednesday, 29th may
Thank You. This is the first time I have visited your site. My brother has been suffering from this lovely disease for about 6 years now. What you wrote is how he has been feeling lately, without the positive parts of it. This, I hope, will inspire him a little.
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