I think there are some of us who have no dreams. I have had many, many dreams, though in my madness, most of them were foolish and overly grandiose... but still, not to have any dreams at all is different than having stupid ones. I look back at my life, and I think I do remember a time when I had no dreams, myself. Back when I was lost, when the inside of me was naked and lost in the outside world, with no anchor to the sea of days. Yes, back when I had no hope. I hardly recall it — I started writing this not remembering that time, not recalling when I was a leaf caught in the breeze — that was a world away, one of several I've visited.
I remember using drugs as anesthetic, those days. Mostly pot, a little LSD, though, if I really wanted to escape. Yes: escape. That was my favorite word, though I didn't know it then. What I needed was a center, a ground. I wouldn't have agreed with this then, but that center I lacked was a "God shaped hole" in my soul. When God came into the picture, I suddenly had hope. I'm not saying all my problems went magically away, but there was then in me a certain sense of purpose I never had before. And I also understood: I had to get beaten down before I would reach up for help, and this made sense of much of my life, much of my suffering.
Even before I believed in anything, though, I remember praying — I remember praying to whatever was out there, anything or anyone out there that would listen — I prayed in desperation. Strange. I never thought anyone would answer.
Aric J. Jones
5:07am wednesday, 29th may
Thankyou for your submission.I like any information about this disease I have.
Nicole
5:34am wednesday, 29th may
Thanks for sharing the way you see into the world, I'm currently studying mental illnesses as part od a course I'm doing at school and this web-site has given me a totally different perspective to give my sppech on! That of the words of the sufferer rather than the doctors or specialists, who dont actually live with your disorder! Congratulations and all the best to you and other sufferers of schizophrenia for the future!
natasha
1:27pm wednesday, 29th may
I don't quit understand this website. Im doing a project on schizophrenia, and I was wondering if these are the thoughts you have now after you have had this disorder or if you are writing what it was like to have it!?
Stand
7:59pm wednesday, 29th may
These are just thoughts that pass through my head, nowadays. I have previously been diagnosed (as I state in the about page) with paranoid schizophrenia and manic depression, but I am pretty normal these days. I write about my past madnesses or just things I think are interesting, plus poetry that comes to me. Hope that answers your question.
1895
8:23pm wednesday, 29th may
I'm just wondering if you have seen the movie "Life of Brian" by Monty Phyton.. and if so, what do you think of it? silly question but, I just have the feeling that you're the kind of guy who watch movies like that, am I right?
Stand
11:06pm wednesday, 29th may
Yes, I have seen Life of Brian, but I like Holy Grail better. ; )
Aric J. Jones
Nicole
natasha
Stand