I think sometimes the things I think of are strange, like when I realized that 10 is an arbitrary number to set to two digits, that I think we would have been better off with 12 fingers instead of 10. Then, looking on such thoughts, I think maybe "normal" people have such "strange" thoughts, too. But really, 10 is hardly divisible by two — 12 really would have been a better 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, 10). I do have thoughts, I think, some mad thoughts, but even they — you out there who have never been "diagnosed", have you never thought some things misshapen, half-made, meaningless except perhaps in a bizarre way only to you?
I will have to face, I think, that this is as normal as I am ever going to be. It would be nice, of course, to be able to have the mind I had when I was 17, before I was heavily into drugs, far before my madness — but that's quite the pipe dream, n'est-ce pas? It is a little wisdom learned, that is (I believe I've touched on this at least once before), that one must do one's best with whatever they've been given, whatever is "on hand", as it were. Makes me think of some lyrics by Bob Marley:
Most people think great God will come from the sky
Take away ev'rything, and make ev'rybody feel high
But if you know what life is worth
You would look for yours on earth
And now you see the light
You stand up for your right, yeah!
The natural question follows: "Do you see the light?"
SAMMY
11:31am saturday, 8th june
I think most people are crazy to a certain extent. What is normal anyway? But I do know what you mean. There was a time that I didn't have the experience of a certified nut. HA HA Those experiences will forever be with me. I wouldn't change it for anything though. I learned a lot, still learning.
SAMMY
11:34am saturday, 8th june
I know what you were thinking when you wrote this, but what is more important is how you felt. How did you feel? PEACE!
Stand
4:48am sunday, 9th june
I felt a sense of acceptance, of resignation to what I am.
SAMMY
SAMMY
Stand