I like to think all the trials of my life add to something. There must be meaning to all of it, doesn't there? That there is meaning to why we suffer so? And perhaps we do not even have to wait for the fluffy clouds of Heaven to find what it is all about; perhaps we may discover something about what we have gone through at some unscheduled, crystalline moment of lucidity. Maybe just as we're doing something as pedestrian like unwrapping a piece of gum to chew, it will make sense somehow. Maybe it will come in pieces, like this happened for that reason, that happened for this reason, and maybe through some loose associations we will be able assemble a rather grand structure of why. Maybe, maybe.
I dunno. I feel that I must believe in meaning. My faith in God helps me with that, but even when I was a devout atheist (waaay back when) I never thought that it all was meaningless — I had high hopes in science, and studious endeavors. These days, I place more importance in that which is spiritual, but the essence of my thinking I don't think has changed that much, just that the telescope of my wondering is pointed in a different direction. Why do we suffer? — this question has been asked throughout all of history, recorded and unrecorded. We will ask this question individually, and as a whole species, until that day there is no more of it, and I think I will not hold my breath for that one to happen.
Such as my suffering has made me learn about myself in my own understanding of my life, if you had asked me before it all began whether I would willingly go through it, I'd have said yes. Not during it, though... that's a completely different matter indeed.
Kimberley
7:16am monday, 24th march
Sometimes I wonder myself that if people had a chance to choose before they were born what kind of life experience they would live thru..... kind of like if they knew before they were born what types of trails and tribulations they would go thru during the life they were about to begin......if we had a chioce rather to be born or not, would i want to be born? I don't know. it would depend on what i would be leaving behind before i was born here on earth.
Kimberley