I have had this feeling recently — maybe you know what I'm talking about — a feeling that all of my life is too settled, and old hat, a feeling of wanting something new and not knowing what that might be. I'm not sure why I'm having this feeling, though I do recall back when I was doing drugs that I was too numb to consider this kind of thing, that when I was high things were new enough. I'm not so numb, these days, and I appreciate the little things much more, but it seems that noticing all the things that happen to me has had this detrimental effect that I am now used to everything that does occur in my life. I am now accustomed to living a pretty good life; and you know, I really can't complain; but perhaps getting habituated to the good life makes it not quite so good anymore; I don't know, I feel like I'm missing something, something that is perhaps important.
Maybe back when I got too used to the violent changes of madness. I have been sane for quite a while now, now that I've quit doing those drugs that enabled the psychosis. Perhaps I will get used to this feeling, too: everything is okay, stop worrying about things. It's strange. It is perhaps that in my past I got used to the world falling down around me, picking up the pieces and starting again so frequently that I am at a loss when the sky doesn't fall. Hm. I may be able to appreciate this kind of life now, though. Far less white hairs on my head, and not so much the dancing around like a chicken on fire.
paco
5:59am monday, 28th april
What kind of drugs did you use that created the psychosis?
Stand
6:34am monday, 28th april
Mostly LSD. A lot of LSD.
paco
10:40am monday, 28th april
Yeah... that'll do it. I'll be sure to keep my distance.
Stand