Back in the day, I remember everything had this extra vantage point by which it could be viewed, as if each thing was not just a thing, but a symbol pointing to something larger, telling me something mysterious. I remember everything was significant, the littlest scrap of paper could be the key to the known universe, and beyond. Everything meant something, if I looked hard enough, or long enough. And when I found the meaning, I would forget the thing, and I would be lost in that meaning. I remember those times like remembering a dream that you can't tell if it was a nightmare or not, but you suspect it was, with all the sweat pouring down your face. It grows tiring, the utter significance of every little thing, exhausting to have religious experience after religious experience.
You know, I have heard that some recovered schizophrenics miss something of their old selves, that after wrestling with angels and demons, taking out the trash is a tad mundane, a bit boring. When the world is no longer on the line depending on what your next thought is going to be, when your thoughts are just thoughts... I guess I see the point. But I myself was not left empty handed when my madness drifted off. I was left with a strong sense of hope — which perhaps never left, not throughout my whole ordeal — and, if not dreams, the capacity to dream. My mind is not the same as if the madness never was; things sometimes still stand out, sort of glow with Meaning; but this new thing that I am: I am thankful that for some reason, I was given this: a second chance.
Back in the day, I lived through the apocalypse on a regular basis, and it was good sometimes that jotting down a note saved the world. But this thing now, that I have — jotting down a line of poetry now and again, and other people know what it means, too, and it makes them feel something — this world out here is such more interesting, such more worthwhile.
me?!
1:06pm friday, 30th may
I can only imagine how good it must feel for you to have people understanding your thoughts and agreeing with them.But you have earned every bit of the attention you get from h13ers.Both after all you have been through,the wisdom you have gathered along the way- and most importantly because of the beautiful and insireing writings here on h13!I guess most people crave to have people understanding them.And you have most definately obtained that,Stand!As always,I raise my glas to salute you!
Kyle
3:42am tuesday, 3rd june
my life is constantly like this...everything is connected somehow...and I know how but I won't share it here...
me?!