I look in the mirror, and this is strange: I expect someone else to be looking back, I don't know whom but not the face I see. I don't know how far this goes back, whether it was only after my madness had receded or I always had this feeling but just hadn't noticed before, but I am a stranger to my eyes. Well, perhaps not a stranger, for I am used to this face peering back, but somehow I get the feeling that this is not me. What/who am I expecting to see? Does it speak, perhaps, that somehow I am not comfortable in the skin I've been given, or is it deeper — that this face I see is not what I'd imagine myself if I sat down and considered it? Or does it just say that I know not who I am, nor who I am supposed to be?
I have at times tried to reconcile this reflection of myself, pointing at my face in the mirror, telling myself that "This is you!", but the feeling of strangeness remains. Maybe I just need a couple hours when I have some free time (that'll be the day) just to stare at myself in a big mirror, looking at the person that I am, learning myself for perhaps the first time. I guess the question is still relevant to me: "Who am I?" Maybe I have never asked that of myself, not really, or maybe I have never tried to answer it to any satisfaction. Maybe that's it. Know thyself: that's probably the only thing within reach of anyone to truly fathom, and that's a tall order in itself.... I need to try to see myself and know it is I who I am seeing: I will try to see the me in that me reflected: this is me, myself, I.
anon.x
2:16pm friday, 18th july
i understand
me?!
7:45am friday, 25th july
Then let me ask you,how do you defiene this "me" you are looking for? Really,if you think about it there is no such thing called "me" or "I" or "you".Because what makes up a person is just a series of moments,and happenings within those moments,that just keep on coming.Today "you" are the sum of all those moments and events- but that will surely not stay the same for long.Maybe tomorrow,when the serie of moments has come a little further,this "you" will be althered.The change is not always easy to spot,but it is there if you care to look.So really,these words of ours,these I,me,you are words without meaning.They really do not exist,but is just a word for something we yet have not come to comprehend.
me?!
7:56am friday, 25th july
So maybe you should stop looking for the "you" and embrace the person tomorrow brings.As it is,we are currently human beings and will for that reason never be perfectly content with ourselves.At least not the ones of us who have a high self awareness.Deep within our minds there is this little voice who tells us never to be happy with ourselves.Therefore we set out on this endless(quite hopeless)quest in search of ourselves,the true I`s.I think we will never find something we will be content with.But that will never keep us from looking.All the same- deep down you know there is no use,you know your quest will not be successful.Yet you keep at it.Maybe you should break lose from this habit of searching for yourself,maybe it will only bring uneasiness and sadness to your life.
anon.x