I sometimes think there is nothing for me here, in this waking world, that I was meant only for the dreaming. I have been feeling a little burned out, recently. There is too much that needs to be done, too much that needs my attention. I have many ideas for what I want to accomplish, and right now, I am accomplishing none of them. Right now, I want to do absolutely nothing. All the lessons I have learned mean very little to me in this state, though I may hope that they still color my outlook on the world (and that they help me without that I am aware of it), but I want nothing to do with any wisdom in this state where I am. I just want to sleep.
There is, too, such longing in me. I have not felt the love of a good woman in such a long spell. I am sure I am not alone in this feeling, that many exist in this busy world who are alone, and lonely. When I had my work, my ambitions, I was content with that — with working towards a noble goal — but now that such a goal has been taken from me, I feel it keenly: I was not meant to go this life solo.... There is little consolation for any of these feelings in anything I do, in the place where I live, in the place where I work. I feel perhaps that I should leave everything behind, start afresh somewhere else. Make a new life for me. Maybe that's it....
LPR4177