What is it about messiah complexes? What within those of us who have suffered from it makes us think we are somehow God incarnate? I remember it all too well: tripping on LSD, I heard little voices telling me that I had led a special life, that I was a special person — and it was a short drug-induced mental leap from those voices to thinking I was Jesus Himself, come back to judge the world. Other people have done as I did, take acid in large quantities, and as often, but something about my internal character made me think that: that I was the Savior of all mankind, that I was the Blessèd One. Was I particularly skilled in any area of my trying? Not really. I was, up to that point, a dabbler, a dilettante, dipping my pen where I thought was most interesting at the time, and move on. I was always thought of as intelligent, so perhaps it was Lucifer's sin, pride; pride blinded me to the small truth that I was no one but me, little accomplished, not meant to save the world.
I would not be moved. No matter how reasoned the arguments that I was not, in fact, Jesus Christ, I argued them away to my own satisfaction (if not the person who was trying to convince me otherwise). I was It, as far as I was concerned. No one existed who could do anything better than me, if I only were to desire to do it, no one existed who was holier, and nothing could stop me if I did not want to be stopped.... I remember that many of my friends thought I was kidding around, but no, I was deadly serious. And this would be the foundation of the debilitating madness that would follow. It took so long to recover from this fully; I had to step down rung by rung from this lofty height: from God to archangel, from archangel to prophet, and from prophet back to me — though even becoming again "the old me" was not to be quite the same "the old me" who had entered that cave of psychosis. I am sane, for the most part (light little delusions pass back and forth through me, still), and thank God for it. I was not meant for such higher things. I'm just me.
me?!
3:06am friday, 8th august
Your site dont work qiute right yet,bt i managed to partially undo what my friend did.so i`m back.i think no man is made for the abow,stand.but jou made it,that`s good.took lots of strenght ey.funny hoe the body keeps on giving strengt to overcome when you think you haev reached the bottom.lately ive heard many give acount on their wiews throughout their illness-none is like yours,and none of them similar to eachother.Strange is what it is.i`d at least thought there to be somethin in common with the lot of you.oddly enaugh there was not visible to my eye.
Stand
5:26am friday, 8th august
Glad to have you back.
jj
10:18pm friday, 8th august
the minds of men are a window into the soul, I think that you both have beautiful souls...and I think that we will all be alright. there is a messiah complex for ya...
I think where it all starts is...ok, ya ready for another one......ok, good :)when we stop taking all the attention and focus foff of ourselves and giving it to others.
Compassion for others makes me feel good. When you can see the hurt in somebody's eyes, or in somebody's walk, make sure you do a little something for them, let em know that it'll be okay. Tripping on mushrooms, I cried for what seemed like a whole day for HUMANITY in general, can't believe it myself. I've suffered, but incomparably to many, take the self pity out of the equation, and give your good energy out...makes you feel good at the end of the day. I know these words may seem (empty?) but human suffering has alot to do with the way we treat eachother...so be nice, smile, a little girl may see you one day and her next move could be a direct effect on whether or not you looked happy. Don't fake it, just do it.
Love you guys. Don't worry, I'm not one of those always on cloud 9 people, just the opp. but damn, it's the TRUTH!
me?!
Stand