I guess this will be it. I won't be with you for a time, now; probably two weeks' worth will be what I need to get all my things together, ship them off and so forth, and go there myself to Korea to settle in. But let me try and leave you something to chew on in my absence:
I will tell you of a dream I never had. Once, as I walked my favorite path through the countryside, the sky opened up and an angel appeared. It said what all angels say as their first words, "Fear not." I realized I was shaking. He told me that I was at a crossroads, that I must decide my next course: that I could be plucked from time and see all that I would do from then on, or to live my life and forget that the angel ever appeared. I pondered this for a minute or three, what each of the two decisions might mean to me. I then asked, "Could I see all that will happen to me, and then forget all of this? I know it is not of the choices you have presented, but that is my wish." The angel agreed to it. And so, I was plucked from time and in one great rush all the moments to be coursed by, all my failures, all my sins, all my successes, all my thoughts, all my words, all that I meant, and all that I was to be: all of it in kaleidoscopic colors zoomed past me. I cried, for I saw my death, but they were good tears — because it was a good life, after all. I saw every scene.
This is a dream I never had. For the angel made me forget all of it, each single detail of the whole experience. How does it come that I can tell you of it? It emerges, sometimes, the feeling that I've seen what happens to me as I walk through life, even times when I can see what's coming. Then I imagined this dream, this dream that was no dream at all, and I said to myself that it could have happened, that some residual recall still remains in me of the encounter. Have you had those feelings, too? That perhaps you've seen the present before, see the future before it happens? You must ask yourself if you, as well, have had a dream you've never dreamed, and saw things only to forget that they ever had been.
x
8:38am tuesday, 4th november
Often had this feeling too, time is a kind of spiral isn't it.
seajay
9:48pm tuesday, 11th november
i had a similar feeling on salvia, but it was different in the sense that i came to that realization at the moment that i realized that i had never indeed lived as a person but actually for all eternity was a beach.
x
seajay