"Our body has this defect that, the more it is provided care and comforts, the more needs and desires it finds."
- St. Teresa of Avila
Such is truth: the more we have, the more we want. I think spiritually, I have been spoiled. Back when I had that mystical experience of the infinite light (described on August 7 on this site, entitled "10/7/88", here), I remember dropping more and more acid every weekend so that I might experience it again. It was, of course, the wrong way to go. I got up to 10 hits at one time, two weekends in a row. I was prevented from doing more at one time (thankfully) by my friends, concerned about my mind. Who knows? If I had done 30 at one time, like I was planning, maybe I would have lost sanity sooner than I did.
Speaking of sanity (or lack thereof), my psychosis is very strange. Yes, it did culminate in me dropping my drawers for the world (look here), but usually, all it tries to do is make me live a better life. Reminds me of my honor, recommends my humility. Makes me the subject of God Most High and His Son Jesus Christ. If any of you know about Philip K. Dick's experiences, you may see why I looked to him so. Many times during his last years, he kept asking himself and others, "Am I nuts?" Perhaps the strong streak of sanity in him. For him, it was generally a positive trip, but he did talk to little voices in his head. For me, it has been more confusing — not all positive, but leaning that way. What do I make of it?
Back to the quote, I don't think she was talking about God, however. If one becomes used to God being there in some way, that's a good thing. God is not a creature comfort. I think that's happening to me, and I'm not talking about the psychosis, but something real. Hm. I expect good things.
