I wonder at destiny with a helpless sense of my smallness. It has come full circle, I guess: once, I believed that all creation could bend to my whim, that I was the ultimate of beings; and now, I feel as if less than a paper bag in the updrafts of all the great things that may happen to the world. I have resigned myself that if it is destiny that I fall, no matter how hard I try, this is what will come to pass, that there will be some perhaps small flaw that will make me stumble, and I will come to nothing. Less than nothing. The only thing I might be able to do is to hand it all over, invest myself, trust in a ride greater than myself, and hope that the ticket is good no matter what happens in my days. I am no longer brash enough to take on the world on my own. I have had it beaten into me to know that I am not a fish big enough to turn the tide of the oceans in which I swim. I pray, and I hold on to the little lessons I have learned to give me hope.
Mary
9:41am friday, 7th may
Very similar to feelings I have been having. Wrote a somewhat trite poem to the same effect:
Currents
You can swim with all your strength
Toward a spot in the ocean
And never get where you want to go.
The current,
That giant unseen force
Pushes you off course
As if your will is nothing.
I suppose you could use vectors
And swim in this directiion over here,
To go in that direction over there,
But my head spins just thinking about it
My solution is to swim,
And let the current push me where it
wants, could be paradise.
**********
your imagery was very apt but I felt bad for you feeling like a paper bag in the wind. That is too much like a piece of trash and nobody should feel that way. (proscribed emotions, but we are worthy even in our directionlessness I think.
Gulliver
5:54pm friday, 7th may
Stand, do you feel lonely?
Stand
5:45am saturday, 8th may
No, not these days, Gulliver.
jasmine
8:55pm monday, 10th may
you are feeling sad & lonely, it's seems
to me.today is 5/10/04, & i've spent 2 days crying and trying to keep going.i
feel so alone,it's hard to wake up. my
son is ill,and without this site, it
would be even harder to cope.GOD BLESS
YOU,& for sharing the responses.we're
not alone.strength comes in numbers.
Mary
Gulliver
Stand
jasmine