What’s the deal with this sanity thing? Maybe I shouldn’t have cut back on my meds, but I was really getting sick of the weight gain (Zyprexa’s prime side effect). So, I have moments of not quite normalcy, though the greatest part of it may not be doing things abnormally, but reacting too severely to normal things that happen. And today, I was having a great time programming away at my 9 to 5 (actually, about 9:30 to 7:30), and then I thought, is this me being happy, or is this merely mania? I mean, I have gone through depressives, where my seratonin levels are too low, so is this the flipside? My brain, pumping my chemical systems with too much of the joy juice? Can’t I just be freaking happy without thinking that the universe has an ulterior motive somewhere? ... Okay, that about does it for my rant, I guess.
Yes, if you didn’t know already, I was once diagnosed with manic depression (now referred to as bipolar disorder). Depressive moods can be hell. Like withdrawing from a drug you didn’t know you were on, if you can relate to that. Or, if not, I can say that it’s like something drastically wrong somewhere in your life, but you just can’t pin down what it is — because everything is, in fact, just fine. I’ve ridden those through with some white knuckles. Mania, on the other hand, is rarer for me, and sometimes, I just don’t notice them. Who questions being happy? Usually not the person that’s feeling it. Today, though, it seemed a little excessive, my glee, to me. Hm. Who knows? Maybe it is just me being happy, and me questioning it just because I question everything. That, I could live with, no problem at all.
maggie
1:15pm wednesday, 8th december
Hi Stand........either way, whether mania or just plan excessive energy and a feeling of hopefulness, it will pass. Just as the depression does. It always does...enjoy it while it is around. Somethings aren't worth analyzing. Sometimes you miss the whole experience by looking too deeply. There will be plenty time for that if the depression comes back (at least it's that way for me). So, take it in stride. Seroquel works better for me as far as staying normal weight........Good luck and peace to you
maggie