Recently, just everything has been getting on my nerves. I’m back on my recommended dosage of medication, if you must know, so I’m more or less of the sane persona, but man: I am annoyed by every little thing. Is there a chemical for that, I wonder, for annoyance? We are used to thinking in those terms, these days in the field of psychological inquiry. A chemical for everything. Something sure seems imbalanced — that’s what I’m saying.
Maybe, though, all it really is that I am having is a bad week. Maybe I am not used to thinking in those terms, right now: normality. (Sure, you may say that nothing’s normal, but we have implied limits to oddity, even if we do not care to acknowledge them on anything but a subconscious level. You have a better idea of what is normal than you may care to recognize.) Yeah, maybe that’s it: looking for weirdness because everything’s a nail when all you’re used to having in your hand is a hammer; but right now, there’s nothing in your hand at all. Your hand is all you have. Unlike what is wrought of man, it is made by God: infinite in possibility. Maybe it is merely fear of so great a choice that makes me crouch out of the daylight: now that I am sane, what do I do?
I guess that would be my final diagnosis: I am annoyed as a defense mechanism against having more or less unlimited freedom. Nothing to combat, I invent things that are wrong from the littlest provocations.... Or maybe not. Maybe I just need more sleep. Eh. It goes.
Eric
5:10pm tuesday, 18th january
Yeah, I know the feeling, its called chronic irritability.I have a question?I,ve been dealing with the voices, extreme nightmares,paranoia,for about 7 yrs now,I went and saw a psch about 4yrs ago and he suggested i take risperdal, which I did for about 3 months,but quit.Do you think there really is, any kind of therapy?Is there any doctors that have overcome schizophrenia themselves,It just really seems pointless talking to a therapist who has never dealt with this scary disease(if thats what you would call it).One other thing, have you ever experienced sleep paralysis.
Tim
5:54pm tuesday, 18th january
How does your experience equate to John Nash's experiences? Do you see people as existing, or just in your head?
Stand
12:36am wednesday, 19th january
Eric: maybe you should take something other than Risperdol, if that didn't help, but I myself didn't start getting better till I got on Zyprexa. And therapy does help, though I question just how much; if nothing else, but to get your feelings off your chest. And I'm not sure what sleep paralysis is.
Tim: my hallucinations have not been as vivid as John Nash's, the people I see being in more or less my mind's eye, but that eye kinda spills into reality, and I have thought I was seeing into a hidden dimension.
strawberry
4:25am wednesday, 19th january
Happy day! Your sane persona comes through in your writing. I can see it.
Don't worry just yet about the burdans of sanity. Sleep. Be good to yourself. And if you accidently bite someone's head off in conversation, just apologize afterwards.
Tim
1:29pm wednesday, 19th january
So do people have hallucinations like those portrayed in the movie? Where they see a crowd, or look in the distance, and see peiopel that are now there? Or do they think they are looking into a crowd, when really, they are imagining the crowd of people that do exist, but they also see people who really do not exist.
Tim
1:30pm wednesday, 19th january
that should be "and see people that are not there"
Stand
2:24pm wednesday, 19th january
Yes, I believe so, in some of the more severe cases. It is possible to actually see people that are not in fact there as if they were real.
Tim
5:48pm wednesday, 19th january
The movie showed him combing the little girl's hair, and a point-of-view of a colleague seeing him bent over and waving his hand in the air...and I guess the hallucinations are sometimes mean, that is insulting the person? Quite scarry...thanks
Bart
1:28am monday, 24th january
eh ...in my opinion, the force of Risperdal was ... its marketing.
chris
11:49am friday, 18th february
ask the chemical brothers i think they would have a cure
Eric
Tim
Stand