So, my personal life has come down to that I have been going on a lot of blind dates. The story goes like this: my name, my real name, is a rare one in Korea, and I am the eldest son of the eldest son of the eldest son, etc., all the way back to the first man who had this name. So therefore, it is of utmost importance for the continuance of this name of mine that I have a son to pass it down for the next generation. And when I hit 30, the parents started asking about when it was going to be that I was planning to get married. And every year, this kind of talk has gotten worse. Now, every single conversation I have with my mom is punctuated with asking me if I have found a woman yet, and how they’re getting old, and when am I going to get married so that they can hold their grandchildren before they die. So, my parents and my aunt (whom I live with currently here in Seoul) have been setting me up time and again. And again.
That’s not even all of it. A few weeks ago, my dad signed me up with a Catholic dating service. Yes, all Catholic, all the time. It was freaking expensive, too, like $500 (of which I had the privilege of paying $100 of it). And I guess they really want to earn their money, because they sent me the number of some Catholic chick after like 2 days, though I wasn’t able to go out with her until much later because of that bad cold I had. And then, they called one day and actually gave me 2 numbers. I called one, and was going to call the other one after the date with that first one, but got a call that the second one was complaining why wasn’t I calling her? So, man. I have had 2 dates in 2 days, having just come back from one like an hour ago. And all this time, I’m thinking, stop — please stop. The problem, it might be, is that my parents are looking for marriage, and I am looking for love. And I think that the intersection of these two things is a small sliver indeed. Sigh. That’s how the cookie’s crumbling.
Strawberry
2:56pm sunday, 13th november
Wow!! You are being treated like a baby making machine. You can find love and marriage, I know you can! Tell us what you are looking for in a girl. Of course you want her to be pretty. Do you want her to be smart and educated as well? Wouldn't it be pleasant if she were just simple and open and totally in love with you? What kind of things do you have that would make a girl fall in love with you? Probably the fact that you have a good job is on the list. And she has to like your poetry. Show her a couple of poems and make that the test. See if she is sensitive to them. Maybe you can find a girl who writes poetry and keeps a diary herself. That would be a good match.
Webster
3:39am tuesday, 15th november
I remember reading about the marriage of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. It appeared just like a fantasy whereby the young girl is taken away to the castle to live a fairy-tale existence with the handsome prince. I read that the whole world seemed to stop to watch their wedding, complete with the horse drawn carriage. That the romantic flare and aura of love that captivated the world was a ruse would take years to unfold.
I also read that Prince Charles was under intense scrutiny to marry to produce heirs to the throne. He was under constant pressure to discontinue his womanizing and fulfill his obligation to the monarchy. He was also under pressure to disavow the object of his affection, Camilia. Like the dutiful son, he complied. That the high profile glitter of this marriage could possibly belie the absence of love was unimaginable.
Slowly the lovelessness eroded and exploded for the world to see. It has been said that Diana truly expected to be loved. She binged ate and vomited, and self mutilated, cutting herself when her hope and expectations were not fulfilled. She was powerless to compete with the object of Charles true love, Camilla. All the wealth, notariaty, tile, fame and fortune plus living in a castle, could not compensate for lack of love.
Within this union of two long suffering souls, two heirs to the throne were produced. A job well done. Mission accomplised as two battered souls separated.
I have worked with cultures that arrange marriages. They appear to work, each party seemingly simply fulfilling an expected role. One woman from India told me that after the short lived, initial excitement phase of a relationship is gone, all that is left are the role expectations anyway. I have always wondered how a relationship can grow or progress without ever experienceing that initial thrill; the walking on air,I can't stop thinking about you, the earth stood still kind of thing. I think that if I never experienced it, I would always crave it, no matter how well each of us fulfilled a role.
I can't imagine being under such pressure to meet someone and have a whole series of arranged meetings with strangers. I am so shy that I would surely decompensate under such pressure.
There is a belief that love will appear when least expected. Perhaps through one of these encounters, this might happen. Have any of these meetings been promising? Is it terribly awkward? Don't settle for anything less than love.
Strawberry, So good to hear from you again. I have missed you and your wisdom and strength. What have you been doing? Are you still writing, painting and lecturing? How has life been in Vermont?
Strawberry
8:46pm wednesday, 16th november
Hey Webster. My blog is http://dignifyme.tripod.com. I pitched to schizophrenia.com that Mike & I would do a husband and wife blog, where I would write about my illness and on days when I was too sick to write Mike could blog about what he saw happening to me.
I get really messed up without my fiancee Mike. I just returned from Connecticut on a trip to the printers. I was supposed to stay there an extra two days but I just wanted to go home to Mike. My dog got skunked two days ago so the apartment stinks but it is still home sweet home.
I'm so fragile. I need familiarity. Don't quite know how I am going to travel and lecture away from home.
I guess as I experience love it changes into plain old need and then the other person becomes a part of you that you can't do without. The thrill stuff is still sometimes there but there is also this feeling of comfortable familiarity like a favorite pair of old jeans or old shoes. A day after we make love, I think about the night before, and I get butterflies inside and blush. As long as you are physically healthy, lust doesn't go away.
The best part is having someone to tell all your secrets to.
Reflection
11:20pm wednesday, 16th november
What if you get married and all you have are daughters?....I used to work for people from Argentina.They said in Argentina, if you have seven sons, the seventh one will be given free money his whole life, and everything will be taken care of.College, housing, and everything else.
kittie
12:28am sunday, 20th november
I too have been in search of love. It seems to be impossible these days. My sister is currently trying to set me up with someone. So I understand some of your pain with the blind date thing. Everything seems so plastic these days.
Strawberry
Webster
kittie