I remember pretty far back, to before I thought I was the Archangel Michael, that I didn’t want to be Michael. It was not some noble reason why, like I felt I was not worthy enough, nothing like that. For I had thought I was one as the Most High, after all. It was merely that I had thought that Michael was going to lose the War in Heaven. I misread it: “And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, and prevailed not; neither was his place found anymore in heaven.” [Revelation 12:7-8] And I had thought it was Michael’s place that was found no more in Heaven. I didn’t want that happening to me. I tried to pass off the name, as like it was a title, to various of the people floating around in my head. Various Michaels in real life whom I’d known, who were now cartoons. And to Jim Morrison, and to Jesus Christ himself. I myself didn’t want to miss out on the stuff that Heaven surely had for me.
I remember, just before I was kicked out, I was lying on the floor, as I frequently did in those days, and there was this voice. It boomed, as if to sound like a bell, or at least, a tolling. It repeated, “Michael. Michael. Michael.” As if that was what I had been made for, as if that was my fate, no matter what flailing about I did. And I remember for a long time, that I felt as if I were a doomed man, though I believe it started before that voice. That I was Hellbound — up until my conversion, that was. And I guess it was something from up above that did it, but something turned it around: I understood that Michael won the War in Heaven, and that was with me when the delusions convinced me that I was he, born on earth. When I won the War. So I guess the moral of the story is that perhaps one need not shy from one’s place in the universe, however horrible it may appear to be. It may not be so very bad, once you’re there. And in fact, God might have a surprise or two for you, once you suck it up, and face your destiny. He did me.
Reflection
9:01pm monday, 16th january
Fuck God!
Reflection
9:48pm monday, 16th january
The whole God vs the Devil bullshit is the most insane horseshit ever invented.Grow up!
Reflection
2:00am thursday, 19th january
Life is good IF!
reflection
10:37am thursday, 19th january
Ain't no fun when the rabbit has the gun.
Mrs. Strawberry
5:41pm thursday, 19th january
Hey Stand, I got married!
Last night my new husband said he had been thinking while he was out walking the dog. He said that there was a reason for marrying me. God helped him to find me because he is supposed to help me to do something.
In October I give a lecture at my local library. That is the month that I have an art exhibit there.
So I've been thinking, that as a goal, I want to write an essay titled "Schizophrenia and Art" by October to have on sale at the lecture. It isn't about making money. It is just a goal. I really, really like having goals and deadlines.
I didn't ask my husband for any help. He made that up all on his own. But here's the thing, Stand. You may have a divine purpose, but those around you have divine purposes too that will intersect with your own! You and me, we spend a lot of time thinking about our place in the Universe. But there is always something that you can't predict or see. You can think about who you are and what you want to do in life, and get really specific about that - know yourself inside and out. But I don't think that it is the correct perspective, at least, it is a very limited, fragmented perspective.
It's very mysterious. Not who we will help. But who is going to come to help us.
Reflection
Stand