This is a poem I wrote after my first breakthrough. It was not immediately after; I had to heal some for this to come out:
"Out of Madness"
Scratches on the mirror lose the certainty of pattern;
the underlying randomness peeks through.
The voice which speaks in silent, profound meaning
fades into the horizon as the distance from divine purpose
yawns — the electricity of one being one dims.
The eternal moment ticks, and is over.
The sky is not the color of your thought,
the earth was not raised to your step.
The dream subsides and the ghosts whom you befriended
were only shadows of unknown instincts.
It is like dawn when the sky is gray.
The doomsday clock that never rang.
Maybe I'll write another like this, soon.
Anna
11:49pm wednesday, 21st november
I stumbled across your site today, totally by accident. It gives me hope. Both my brother and my sister have schizophrenia...my grandmother does as well, although I do not see her often. My little brother, I truly believe will make himself well....he wants to be, I have never seen someone works so hard towards anything before....my sister will probably never be ....as as result of damage from a brain tumor. They have both taught me things...my brother, courage, my sister, patience. I sometimes wonder why I was spared, sometimes I feel guilty, like if it happened to me it would have been much easier on everybody, and being 21 I worry that my time has not yet come, although I feel I was tested a year ago, and passed, having decided I could never do any "substances" again. I decided to be strong in my mind for them...because in the near future I will be their sole provider. Anyhow, I am very proud of you and all the strides you have taken towards wellness, I myself cannot fully understand just how hard you have had to work and where exactly you have come from because I myself have never been there, but I have looked "over the edge" and the feat you have accomplished is one that not many would be willing to attempt. I intend to visit your page regularly and show it to my mother, I wish you comfortability and wellness. Thank you.
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3:33am monday, 10th december
i relate to this poem in a vague, comforting, inside-me way.
anunnaki
8:47am monday, 29th april
the above comment by anna, very wonderful.
my comment: "ghosts whom you befriended
were only shadows of unknown instincts"
I've been with them a few times, one experience I met one who is apparently my true mother...too bad she never said anything to me, for she stayed silent. One of the other two who came with her told me, I haven't seen her since. Once in a lifetime meeting I quess...so far anyway. One stayed behind for about 30 min. to talk with me though...wish I could remember more than 1% of what was said. It may come to me when its needed, that's always a possibility.
Anna
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