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| june 2012 |
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| The Heal | 2:12am saturday, 30th june |
What’s been happening of late is quite strange. It has been ongoing for a couple three months now, not all at once, but with certain events that have been outstanding: my madness is curing itself. As you may or may not know, though I am a fully functional citizen of this world, the cartoons and voices have never completely gone from my mind. But now, it seems to be in a process of healing. Itself. As you also may or may not know, I am pretty religious, and I chat sometimes with angels, demons, Jesus, and saints. One saint was one St. Anthony, a man who battled demons, so someone I looked to for inspiration. He had me pray, “Heal me, O Lord.” And things started to happen. It’s quite the amazing thing, and I don’t quite believe it’s happening, even as it does. That’s about as much detail as I feel like going into right now, but if this process continues to completion, I’ll definitely follow up on this reporting. Strange the things that might occur....
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| I’m Busy | 3:56am tuesday, 26th june |
Here, instead of me posting something original, lyrics to a song I like:
Hello
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
– Evanescence
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| candle | 12:26am friday, 22nd june |
the record of our days
ripple through the fabric
this is the youth of our heroics
conflict and release
there is news of news:
true love is just love that is true
destiny is mostly an air
tell me how to feel
here at the end of the world
where the illusion becomes real
light from dreaming pours...
i saw night folding
stars gasping for space
we found the end of the rainbow
as the Wheel stopped
one candle left lit
flickering, flickering, flickering
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| Delights | 4:20am monday, 18th june |
| Once when I was in the Black Iron Prison, I looked into the poster I had of the Garden of Delights, by Hieronymous Bosch, into the third panel, entitled, “Hell”; I looked into the face of the Tree Man, who looks back at you from the center of that panel:    
...and it clicked, or more accurately, slid into place, that This was where I was. And I would think later, that I actually had been in one of the rooms in the building in the far back of that image....
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| shelves | 12:33am thursday, 14th june |
what have we put on the shelves of our mind?
to rustle as the train of time rushes by
bathed in light as suddenly God lays one finger
and thus is fulfilled the prophecy of candles
a thousand wicks flickering at the shadowless center
eons passing by the second, the traveler rests
we have left it all behind, world upon world
wondering of the beyond beyond, the halls of dream
and why it is we go on: not even needing hope
in the struggle, the essence of every why
to know what it is to be, to remember the vow
what we put on the shelves in childhood gaze
before the train of time took us afar
that which of truth we knew, that we tasted
as simple as wax from the candle rolling down
that which no one told us, too near to understand
when the lights went out, and still, we could see
when the God who is love whispered our name
and we found ourselves before all beginnings
and we knew none had known that secret of ourselves
until we discovered it, none to know it again
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| The Year | 5:39am sunday, 10th june |
One morning I met a strange, helpful man. He had wild, straggly hair, with a beard and mustache that was graying and unkempt; he was wearing a ragged brown overcoat. He looked as if he could have been homeless, though as he stood there on the sidewalk, he didn’t ask me for my spare change.
He said to me, “The future is here, and soon, it will be past.”
I was on my way to work, and so I hurried on by him, and I paid him no mind. He was not there the next day, nor the next, nor the next after that, and I forgot him by and by. But then, long afterwards, one year to the day, I saw him again — though it would not have registered that it was the same man, except for what he said.
He said to me, “The future is here, and soon, it will be past.”
And then it was like my life flashing before my eyes: the whole year from the last point where we two timelines had intersected came in one blurred, dizzying vision, scene after scene of the pratfalls and victories, the little joys and solemn sadnesses, the routines and the surprises, birthdays, holidays, weddings, funerals, dreams, and realities: all the way back to the last time he had said those same words to me, when all that was of this last year had been the future, and now it all was the past. I stood for a moment, stunned.
I had been on my way to work, but I thought better of that, now. There were things I needed to do, now that I understood this thing that man had said. He was walking away, now, down the street a ways, and I thought it best not to chase him down. He had delivered his message. I knew where I was.
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| energies | 8:15am tuesday, 5th june |
let your energies be rich with compassion
the signs do not show when your eyes are jealous
having the hingeless freedom for any angle
only to turn in place twice to find a sense of here
is that one feeling out of a thousand fate?
you cannot ignore the place the hand of God pinned
in vain we collect the numbers of the fallen
remembering is not a function of pain or nearness
in the shade of a grand idea i made a stand
wondering when ’twould be my turn to fly, fly away
peering over the Precipice, into the dark
balanced upon a steady rock you forgot you climbed
the wing of our prayer to take on its wind
to soar beyond the altitude of before a downward eye
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| Yeah, No | 1:43am friday, 1st june |
Much to report. Let me start with New Zealand, and I’ll try and keep that short: she’s married and has a kid. Egad, man, WTF? So I went there basically for no reason. Though the solace I felt the last day I was there, when it was as if a curse were being lifted from me. She had always been in the back of my mind whenever any women were introduced to me the last few years, and now she is gone from there. Banished. The other thing I would like to tell you is that my AI proof of concept, which I have been working on for the last 10 1/2 years, works. Yeah. Holy crap that took a lot of work. Right now I’m looking for money to fund my transition into the CEO of my own company, doing what I would do (and have been doing) for free. Yeah, baby, the dream. Other than that, I signed up for Match.com. And I’ve been going out dancing on the weekends. Hm, I guess that’s it. It looked longer in my mind.
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