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| october 2008 |
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| Break | 2:09am thursday, 30th october |
I’m going away for a little while, both here and in the real world. I’m taking a trip to Korea with my parents for pretty much all of November, and I really do want to get away from it all, so I’ll not be updating here again until December rolls around. Though my parents are in good health, they’re pretty old, and you never know, so I thought I’d spend some extended time with them. Should be good. Hopefully I’ll spend that extended time away from staring at a monitor, which is basically my standard state of being. No doubt they’ll try and set me up with someone while we’re at it, since I turned 39 this year, and that’s a reason for some familial panic as far as they’re concerned. But anyway, might all be fun. See you in about a month.
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| numbers | 12:07am sunday, 26th october |
my secret language of numbers
speaks of doom and wonder in a simple countdown
silently to spell out fates, one and zero
mystery and light in the palimpsests of six and seven
some whose values just drift by, headless
in a daydream where mean the figures tragic things
i ascribe randomness upon them to save myself
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| Flash | 1:18am wednesday, 22nd october |
What exactly happened? I can still remember when I thought being a junior in college was old. Is it really all relative? Even if it is, there are hard and fast limits that one relates things to: no one lives much past 120, for instance. Just like in our brains lie the evolutionary heritage of the reptile and the mammalian brains buried, so in my soul is the young man who had no idea what doing what he did had consequences pending. If one looks at it in a certain way, all those years are gone in a flash; but we are forgetting much of the context: think again, and remember all the days between there and here. The time went by like time does, day by day. Each hour a chance to do what is right — before our last day, and in a flash, we remember all else that we did in the interim between then and now.
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| moments | 12:01am saturday, 18th october |
as if in a dreaming, sometimes, i in my waking hours
wandering far, but everywhere i go, where i am meant to be
genuine moments of silence, when i can hear all the world
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| blink | 1:39am tuesday, 14th october |
there are shadows in every image
forms that there are no words for
they stare at me like i were family
in the crowd, i, too am an otherling
made of dreamstuff, you and me
they croon in their secret messages
and if i blink just right, they’re gone
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| not | 1:03am friday, 10th october |
i have nothing
but the memory of your voice
it leaves that echo
in the hollow of my heart
i am nowhere
everywhere i go
lost in the ghost of you
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| Footnote | 1:55am monday, 6th october |
Just when was it that I started losing touch? These angels that flit around in my mind’s eye — if I look back , can I see the traces of their passing by in the thoughts and visions of a mind relatively sound? I seem to recall, as the drugs had more and more of their hold on me, hearing and seeing things; and thinking things, of course. A friend of mine marked the day when I declared my Christ complex as the day when I went insane. But if that is the day that it started to become noticeable, it must, I think, have started before that point. Could it be traced back all the way back to 1988, the infinite light experience? Further than that, even? Was I destined to doom in the dropping of my first LSD tab? My first joint? How the past is sometimes a mystery, if the memory does not open all the way.
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| Personally | 12:56am thursday, 2nd october |
Another personal update. I met someone online at KoreanCupid.com, which a friend of mine found randomly. Well, after about a month of emailing and chatting over the phone, she came and visited New York. Disaster ensued. I don’t know why it was, but she just seemed more butch when we met in person than ever she did over the phone. And I felt bad for her, because she came all the way from North Carolina, and I did not hide my disappointment well (at all). She excused herself as dinner ended, and I haven’t heard from her since. In other news, the project goes well. I like to say that if you’ve ever heard the instrumental by Jimi Hendrix, “Midnight”, now is right when in the middle, the sustained feedback ends, and the guitar starts to go cosmic. If you’ve never heard it, I recommend it highly. (I just checked, and it’s available at the iTunes store.) And thus it goes....
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